


Homestuck Drabbles and Requests

by sachi_sama



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Age Difference, Camping, Drabbles, F/F, Ghosts, M/M, Pirates, Requests, Sexual Content, Sickfic, Split Personalities, Werewolves, puns, werefox
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-03-15 08:15:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 26,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3439985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sachi_sama/pseuds/sachi_sama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These were all requests on my tumblr that I've grown fond of. Mostly DirkJake, but other pairings as well!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. JohnDave Pirate Story.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: A JohnDave AU where everyone sails on pirate ships with the goal of collecting the most swag. The world currency is cheeseburgers. (you owe lateniteslacker for this idiocy)

"Dude no, we can’t get that. It’s 10 whole cheeseburgers," John says warily, eyeing the new sword Dave is cradling to his chest. "We’ve gotta meet Vriska back at the ship soon anyway. It’s time to get more swag."

"No one has more swag than me, okay. I am the master of goddamn swag. It’s all over me, oozing rad pheromones into the stratosphere, blinding all those fucking birds. This is truth, John, and I’m getting this sword," Dave snarks.

"You don’t have the burgers for it!"

"John I don’t know how this little factoid escapes your brain constantly, but we’re pirates. I don’t  _need_  burgers. I’m taking it, and whoever tries to stop me is getting sword slapped in the face. Now c’mon before Queen Spidercrotch comes to suck our fluids dry while making weird facial movements.”

"You’re so fucking gross," John says, smacking Dave’s ass for good measure as they depart the store with the sword, no one bothering to stop them.

"You love me, don’t deny," Dave smirks.

"I don’t know. You’re a douchelord. I don’t love douchelords," John sighs.

"Alright, fine. Get someone else to swab your poop deck."

_"Dave!!!"_

And the pair of them joined their hella pirate crew, and sailed into the sunset to collect all the swag in the land, starting with Old Spice Island, where they all realized they were on horses the entire time.


	2. The Clapper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: A RoseMary AU where Kanaya glows when you clap your hands and Rose has too much fun with it.

"Rose, this is becoming more than a little annoying."

Rose looks up from her knitting, an innocent look on her face.

"I don’t know what you mean, Kanaya," she says, going back to knitting rainbow nooses for Terezi’s scalemates.

"You do so!" Kanaya argues. "Since you told Dave and Karkat about the clapping trick, I’ve had to deal with them constantly! I haven’t had a moment’s peace in days!"

"In my defense," Rose says, "Karkat doesn’t abuse it much. It’s mostly Dave."

"He just did it repeatedly and said I was a…rave?" Kanaya trails off with a confused expression, but doesn’t miss the way Rose snickers into her yarn.

"I think you’re overreacting. Everyone thinks it’s wonderful, is all. And you  _are_ endlessly fascinating. It’s not my fault everyone else has taken notice.”

Kanaya blushes despite herself, and doesn’t bother moving away when Rose sets her needles down to move closer, a devious smirk on her lips as she stands on her toes to place a kiss on Kanaya’s cheek, slowly moving down to her mouth.

"Hey what’s—oh cool, you’re lesbo-ing it up," Dave says as he enters the room. Rose sighs and pulls away.

"David, don’t you have anything better to do?"

"Nah," Dave says, already settling in on Rose’s bed like he owns it. "Y’all seen Karkat?"

"No," Kanaya grouses.

"You should. I painted his face while he was sleeping. He looks like a tiger now."

"Oh, dear," Kanaya sighs. "I suppose I should go look for him and stop him from tearing anything up. I will see you later, Rose."

And as she steps from the room, she hears incessant clapping, her body glowing brilliantly and then ceasing over and over again. Agitated, she pokes her head in the door to glare at Rose and Dave.

"Kanaya," Rose says, "I think you should  _lighten_  up.”


	3. New Roomie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: JohnDave AU where John is interviewing roommate candidates and Dave walks in.

You run to the door when someone knocks, eager as always. You’ve already interviewed several people, but you have to find the  _perfect_  roommate. No less than perfect will do! 

As soon as you open the door, you notice you have to tilt your head back and look  _up_  to see the person, as he’s so  _tall_. He’s lanky, he’s pale, and his blond hair is shaggy enough to balance over his sunglasses like they’re a bridge between his eyebrows.

"This can’t be the right place," he says, his southern drawl snapping you from your thoughts. 

"You’re here for the roommate ad, right?" You ask.

"Yeah, but how the fuck did I end up in Oz? Isn’t this Munchkinland?"

Your mouth flaps uselessly for a few moments, and then you find yourself reaching out to punch this complete stranger in the gut—but he blocks you.

"Yeah, I’m here for the roommate gig," the guy says, roaming around you. He whistles. "Pretty sweet digs."

"It’s a nice place," you agree.

"So what do I do, just talk about myself? Seems kinda narcissistic. I hardly even see the point in interviews, people just make themselves look great when they’re actually spawns of the lesser minions of the fabled Satan," the guy says. 

"You don’t like interviews? Are you  _employed?_ ”

"Part time DJ, part time artist, full time sex lord."

You stare at him. “Sex lord?”

"It’s a curse," he sighs. "Hot body, great mind, mad rhyming skills, and dope beats. I’m like the opposite of Axe Body spray."

"You seem like kind of a dork to me," you tell him. 

"Nah, man, you just lack the mental capabilities of comprehending how awesome I am. Most people do. Anyway, where’s the bathroom?"

You immediately brighten, because you’ve been  _waiting_  for someone to ask that.

"Down the hall!" you chirp, watching him as he goes. To your disdain, nothing happens. You hear the door click, the toilet flush, the water in the sink—but nothing else. You frown at him when he walks back in the room.

"Bucket on the door?" he sighs. "Dude. Dude, no."

"Cheater!" you tell him.

"No, just not stupid."

You’ll have to step up your pranking game to handle him. He’s gonna make you give it everything you’ve got. And that alone is all the reason you need to reach out and shake his hand.

"Name?" You ask.

"Dave," he says, reaching to shake your hand.

"Looks like I’ll have plenty of time to come up with a way to prank you, since you’ll be living here."

And as the two of you grin stupidly at each other, you can’t help but think this is going to be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made in your entire life.


	4. The Nurse Who Loved Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Jake has a cold and Dirk nurses him back to health.

Dirk is just about finished with the modifications in Squarewave’s programming when he hears an ungodly noise from the living room that sounds like a mixture of a sob and a dry heave. Startled, he leaves Squarewave to go investigate. 

Jake is poured over the couch, same as he was when Dirk left the room over an hour ago. Dirk just assumed he was still tired, but now, looking closer at the blob dressed as Jake on the couch, Dirk has another idea.

"Dude," he says. "You sick?"

"Nooo," Jake groans, curling into himself. Dirk frowns and walks over to him, feeling his forehead.

"Okay, yeah you’re burning up. You’re sick."

"I’m not sick, I am just feeling an incy bit under the weather," Jake says, rolling over before burying his face in the couch. Dirk sighs for what’s probably an unnecessary amount of time before he leaves the room to call Jane. If anyone knows how to play nurse, it’s Jane Crocker.

 _"Hello?"_  she answers on the third ring.

"Yo, Janey," Dirk says, "I need your help."

_"What’s the matter?"_

"Jake is sick."

_"Oh, dear. Sick with what?"_

"I’m not sure. He’s coughing a lot though and it sounds sort of like a dying freight train if a freight train was alive enough to die in the first place."

_"That certainly is a problem! Give him some medicine and make him some chicken soup. Also keep him covered up so he can sweat the fever out. Later, if he’s feeling better, make him take a hot bath. And a little tea never hurt anyone, either!"_

"Uh," Dirk mumbles, "can’t you come help with this? I’m not exactly, you know. Good at taking care of anything that’s not a machine."

_"You know Roxy and I are out of town. We went to the beach to escape the cold for the week, remember?"_

_"Is that Di-Stri? Hiiiiiii, Di-Stri!"_ Roxy’s voice calls. 

 _"Just do what I said, you’ll be fine!"_ Jane says.  _"Now, we’ve gotta go. See you Monday!"_

Before Dirk can say anything else, she hangs up. Groaning, he goes to the cabinet to see if they even  _have_  any soup. Dirk never really gets sick, and Jake’s never been  _this_ bad.

Luckily, behind all their sugar cereals and MLP fruit snacks, there is one lone can of chicken noodle soup, and a crushed looking can of tomato paste that has no reason to be there. In the next cabinet, he grabs the cold medicine.

While he’s heating up the soup in a pot, he hears Jake sniffling and groaning from the couch. He hopes Jane’s whole routine works, because he doesn’t like seeing Jake miserable like that. Who would? Jake is normally cheerful and pushing whatever project Dirk is working on to the side to sit on his lap and demand attention. This Jake is just sad and very, very sick. 

Once the soup is hot enough, he pours it in a bowl. He maneuvers himself just right to carry the bowl, the medicine, and a bottle of water to the living room, where he sits in front of the couch and shakes Jake’s shoulder.

"Here, babe. Made you some soup and got something to make you feel better," Dirk says. Jake lifts his head, eyeing the bowl warily.

"You made it?" he asks.

"No, Gordon Ramsey teleported here for the sole sake of making you a gourmet dinner from a can," Dirk sighs. "Just eat it. And take this, too," he adds, pouring some pills into his palm. 

"Dirk—"

"I’m gonna take care of you," Dirk says.  _He_  thinks it’s pretty sweet of him to say that, but Jake just snorts.

"You can barely even take care of yourself, Mr. Locks-himself-in-a-room-for-three-days-without-sleeping-to-fix-robots. How can you possibly take care of me, too?"

"By kicking your ass if you don’t shut the hell up," Dirk hisses. He groans internally when Jake sniffles again and looks up at him with those big, green puppy eyes. "C’mon, bro. For me?"

"…Alright then, up we go," Jake says, moving slowly into a sitting position like it’s paining him to do so. He reaches for the bowl, and Dirk slides beside him on the couch before passing it to him, and wraps his arm around Jake’s shoulders while he eats. Dirk watches him like a hawk to make sure he swallows the pills, too. 

Afterwards, Jake is curled against him, both of them huddled under a blanket while watching a shitty movie Jake picked out. Dirk pays attention to it until Jake starts coughing feebly again, his body shaking. 

"Shit, Jake," Dirk sighs. "Hurry up and get well. I don’t like this."

"I’m certainly feeling better now than I was!" Jake says, snuggling further into Dirk’s side. "Thank you for going through all the trouble."

"You’re no trouble," Dirk says. "After this, you think you can take a hot bath? Jane said it would help."

"Yes, that sounds spiffy," Jake agrees. 

"Cool. Can I take it with you?"

"Dirk!"

"What? I’m sweaty because you’re sweaty. I  _need_  it.”

"…Fine then," Jake grumbles.

"Okay, nice. Also if my hands slip, it’s just ‘cause the hot water gives my body a mind of its own."

And then Jake, ungrateful, spiteful Jake, pushes Dirk off the couch. 


	5. Werewolf McWerewolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: DirkJake where Jake's a human and Dirk's a werewolf.

"So…do silver bullets kill you?" 

Dirk sighs for what must be the thousandth time, and rolls over to face Jake, who’s still perched on his elbow, mischievous green eyes illuminated by the streetlamp outside. 

"Yes, Jake, I’d imagine any bullet to have the ability to potentially kill anyone," Dirk says irritably. Jake has been asking questions like this since Dirk told him about his "little" problem every month. It only seemed right, since their relationship is getting serious now. To Dirk’s surprise, Jake believed him immediately, and Dirk  _was_  delighted. Until these fucking questions wouldn’t stop coming.

"Oh, yes, I reckon so," Jake says simply, falling on the sheets and cuddling under Dirk’s arm. Dirk grunts happily, pulling him in, and all is thankfully quiet for a few moments.

But of course, Jake breaks the silence.

"So on the night of the full moon, are you going to eat my face off?"

 _"Jake,"_  Dirk groans, “no, I already told you, I’m old enough now where I can keep my mind during the transformation. You’re literally in no danger at all unless you don’t shut the fuck up and let me sleep. I gotta be up at half past Satan’s dick in the morning and you’re being kinda unbearable.”

"Oh. Apologies, mate, this is just so  _mind boggling!_  I always knew you were sort of otherwordly, but this is just so awesomely fantastic! You’re a  _lycan!_ ”

"None of your movie facts please. Fucking  _christ_ ,” Dirk says. “All I wanna hear now is you going the fuck to sleep. Or I’m kicking you out.”

"Alright, don’t get your knickers in a twist, you great fuddy-duddy," Jake concedes. "We can talk about this in the morning?"

"Yes."

"Splendid! Then goodnight, Dirk!" Jake chirps, reaching up to peck Dirk on the lips, but Dirk thinks after all the turmoil he’s put up with the past few days, he at least deserves a  _real_  kiss.

Cupping Jake’s cheeks in each palm, he firmly slots their mouths together, gently licking between Jake’s parted lips, who opens for him without question. Jake gasps when Dirk nibbles his tongue, pulling it into his own mouth before sucking on it languidly. He grins at Jake’s flushed face, the way he’s quietly panting while his fists clench into Dirk’s nightshirt. Dirk pulls away long enough to give him a smug look, and then he dives back in, plunging his tongue so far into Jake’s mouth that he’s swallowing every whimpering noise Jake is making and it’s  _maddening_ —but they need to stop, because Dirk really does have to get up in about five hours, and it’s going to be a long day of work. 

Begrudgingly, he pulls away, and Jake whines at the loss. They don’t say they love each other, but it’s palpable, both of them unwilling to look anywhere else, and for Dirk, the way Jake’s eyes are filled with such affection for  _him_  and  _him_ only, even after learning about the (minor) werewolf thing—it says everything. And he’s so glad he finally got the courage to ask Jake out, because it feels like maybe everything is falling into place.

He allows Jake to snuggle up to him again, and he’s  _finally_  got enough silence that he might be able to sleep—but then…

"Remember in that  _'Majora's Mask'_  game in Zelda, where the moon was falling? What if that actually happened, and it was a full moon? Do you think you might just up and explode?” _  
_

He should have _never_  fallen for Jake Fucking English. 


	6. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: AU where Dirk and Jake meet for the first time and Dirk thinks that Jake'll be some massive Tarzan jungle man but he's actually really tiny.

 Dirk isn’t sure exactly what he expected. In all their conversations, what attracted Dirk to Jake the most was Jake’s…comfortableness with himself. He didn’t care about all the shit that would keep Dirk awake at night, didn’t think enough about  _anything_  seemingly, and Dirk was head over heels before he had a goddamn clue what Jake even looked like.

And then Jake sent them all a series of pictures, but he was hardly in any of them. Normally he’d be holding something up and a tiny bit of his face would be in the corner. And it took everything Dirk had not to flail around excitedly just to even see that much of him.

He supposes he thought Jake would be…bigger? Maybe because of all that so called adventuring he claimed to do regularly. And he seemed really fond of muscles, so Dirk always assumed he had some guns on him, literally and figuratively. But the guy standing in front of him barely reaches his shoulders. He’s skinny as a rail, probably hasn’t eaten a proper meal in who knows how long-same as Dirk and Roxy. But those bright emerald eyes with that spark of mischief and adventure in them proves that this is, in fact, Jake English.

And he’s so fucking cute that Dirk doesn’t think he can handle it.

"Strider!" Jake exclaims, and it’s the first time he’s heard Jake’s voice and his heart is doing a weird back flip and he can’t find his voice to respond because goddamn.  _G_ _oddamn_  he’s so cute. But he’s not waiting for a response, is already welcoming himself in Dirk’s arms, is setting up camp there, is cuddling into his chest and laughing and this isn’t how Dirk wanted it to be at all because how can he woo Jake if he can’t even move?

"You’re so bloody  _big_!” Jake says. “I was hoping we’d be more on the same playing field, but then again I suppose nothing about you is normal, eh?”

"Me abnormal?" Dirk asks. " _M_ _e_? Dude, you’re so—I can’t—fuck.”

"Come again?" Jake asks, looking up at him, and no. No, he can’t just  _do_  this. He can’t be this cute he just—

Dirk groans and buries his face in Jake’s hair, unwilling to comment. Jake begins asking what’s wrong, gently rubbing Dirk’s arms up and down and burrowing, if possible, even  _closer_  and this is it. Dirk is going to die from this, he knows it. He’s going to die because Jake English is so goddamn adorable.

And it’ll be a helluva way to go.

 


	7. First Impressions Remix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: AU where Dirk thinks Jake is a massive Tarzan jungle man and it turns out that Jake not only IS a massive Tarzan jungle man BUT ALSO an extremely CUTE massive Tarzan jungle man. Dirk's brain breaks in the process of trying to comprehend how this is possible.

It’s been maybe a full hour or so since Dirk officially met Jake English. And currently, he’s still trying to process this. 

Jake is tall. He’s buff as all hell. He’s  _huge_. 

Dirk never really took Jake’s adventure talk seriously. When Jake would send messages saying he wrestled some crazy beast and won, Dirk thought it was more English bullshit. Because come on, any guy who says things like “gee willickers!” and “gadzooks!” has to be at least 80% bullshit.

Now, Dirk can see the hilarity in this situation. Because Jake is massive, and he still talks like a combination of a corny old man and a 1920’s transplant movie star. Not only that, but his  _face._ God, his face is 100% sparkly puppies and rainbow sunshine while his body is built and tough. Jake’s face doesn’t match his body. Jake English has a baby face.

Jake English is too fucking ridiculous to be real. 

They’re trekking around Jake’s island, Jake giving ludicrous commentary about every grain of sand he finds interesting, when Dirk is suddenly halted by a firm arm blocking his path.

"Look!" Jake says. "The fairy bulls are coming to meet us!"

And damn it all if there aren’t actually a herd of winged tiny bulls making mini mooing noises heading right for them. They all fly up to Jake, sniffing his hair, nuzzling into him and mooing excitedly, obviously accepting him as one of their herd. And Jake is cooing at them while petting them and this is it.

Dirk is done.

He sets his sword in the sand, and curls up beside it, pulling his knees to his chest. Jake makes a startled noise and kneels beside him, shaking him.

"What’s the matter?" Jake asks.

"Can’t go on," Dirk says. "You’re too cute. I can’t do it. Go on without me. Leave me with the bulls."

"Oh, is that so!" Jake laughs. "The waterfall is up ahead! We can take a dip. I guarantee the cold water will make you feel better."

"Yeah, you half naked is really gonna fix this situation," Dirk says. "Wha—hey!" 

Jake lifts him up like it’s nothing and begins carrying him to the waterfall. Jake with his face that doesn’t match his body and his voice that doesn’t match his face and his goddamn  _existence_  that doesn’t match this universe and Dirk just wants to figure him out but knows he never will and it’s fucking  _maddening_. 

"Come now, love!" Jake says. "Adventure awaits!" 


	8. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written as a gift to an anon who was having a bad night!

Living alone for his entire life taught Dirk Strider a number of things, some of which are only coming to fruition now. Mainly that he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing in any situation that involves actual  _living_  people. He’s never had anyone before now to polish his skills for.

His talents are keeping things together, making sure their session doesn’t go to shit before it can even get going. His talents include mapping out the areas, trying to figure out the best way to his and Jake’s quest beds without running into any enemies they aren’t strong enough for yet. His talents are  _thinking_ and  _building_  and  _spitting out mad statistics at a speed that could make the whole goddamn earth bellyflop._  None of these rad as fuck talents include knowing how… _wonderful_  it could be having someone else so close to him.  Or how  _terrifying_.

Not ever being able to fully be unconscious gives a man plenty of time to think—and that’s probably an understatement for the way Dirk’s mind is traveling a thousand miles in a minute, passing itself and looping back around in its theories and ideas and statistics that all play out the same way. Mainly screaming  _this isn’t a math problem. It’s real life you fucking dweeb_ because Jake is  _here_. Jake is next to him—god, an arm’s length away. He’s not green text on a screen, not hundreds of years in the past. He’s so fucking  _real_ and  _alive_  and even more  _beautiful in person than Dirk could have ever hoped for._  He’s curled on his side, his back to Dirk as he sleeps, even breaths the only sound in the tiny cave they found earlier to spend the night in on Jake’s planet because neither of them fancy sleeping in the gas masks on Dirk’s. And every little noise or fidget he makes is a reminder—a  _sharp_  reminder—that he’s here. Jake is really here, and he’s not going anywhere. At least not tonight. 

Their relationship status is still “sort of kind of boyfriends” because it’s only been about two weeks since they entered the session and Dirk doesn’t want to rush him. Especially not after forcing that last minute panic induced disembodied kiss on him. So Dirk has kept his distance as much as he could, doing his best not to smother the poor guy when all he really wants to do is hug him close until he squeaks and say  _you’re here god yes you’re here._ But he doesn’t do that. Instead, he watches Jake’s shoulders fall and rise with his quiet breath and Dirk thinks this is probably more already than he could ever hope for. 

But then Jake starts whimpering in his sleep, curls into himself and swats at something invisible Dirk can’t see. An unknown sleep enemy, perhaps, or maybe he’s caught in a nightmarish dream bubble. Whatever it might be, Dirk reaches out—carefully, always carefully— and touches Jake’s shoulder, shaking lightly. 

"Hey…Jake," he whispers. "Wake up, man. You’re having a nightmare."

Jake snorts and bolts upright, his eyes wide as saucers as he reaches for his guns reflexively before his wild gaze settles on Dirk’s and Dirk reminds himself Jake is used to being hunted on his island and it’s nothing personal.

"You alright?" Dirk asks.

"I dreamed of my grandmother," Jake whispers, looking at a patch on the ground he seems to find interesting. "Today was…the anniversary of her death."

Dirk furrows his brows and thinks back to all the days that have passed and—shit. Jake is right. And Dirk forgot all about it.

"Jake," he says.

"It’s alright. A lot has been going on. Normally I’d do something to honor her memory, but I couldn’t think of a single thing she’d be more proud of me for than doing well in this game. I’ve not got time to be sad."

"Yes, you do," Dirk says. "You have the time to feel any way you want. The game can’t take that from you."

Jake looks down at him, studying him for a moment. Then he clenches his jaw in a decided look and scoots closer to Dirk before lying directly beside him.

"Can we do something tomorrow, then?" Jake asks. "To honor her?"

"We can do whatever the hell you want, man," Dirk replies, ignoring the dryness of his mouth because  _holy shit Jake is directly in his face and Dirk can feel and smell him and it’s lingering on too much._

And then Jake smiles at him and leans closer, brushing his lips gently against Dirk’s in the ghost of a kiss before he rests his head in the crook of Dirk’s neck, his hands gently gripping the front of Dirk’s shirt as he settles in and bunkers down for the night.

"Heh. Your heart sounds like it’s going to burst into hyperdrive," Jake mumbles.

Dirk grunts, throws caution to the wind, and gingerly places his hand on Jake’s hip, rejoicing when Jake doesn’t remove it. “Shut it, English.”

"No, it’s nice," Jake whispers. "Reminds me that you’re actually here."

And then Jake’s breathing evens out again, and Dirk continues to hold him gently and think even more about how he’s fallen into something so terrifying and wonderful that it can  _only_  be love. 


	9. Famous Dirkjake pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: how about dirkjake where one is a celebrity and one is a fan?

Jake bounces on his feet, a little anxious in the large crowd but unable to resist moving through the mass throng of people. He can barely see over anyone’s heads, and at this rate he’ll never see Dirk Strider in all his wonderful splendor! 

With a huff he moves again, shuffling around until he can see the red carpet and he whoops with joy! He isn’t too late! As he moves under a larger man’s arm to bypass him though, things turn immediately sour. 

“The fuck’s your deal, tiny?” The man reeks of booze and sour cheese, and Jake quells the urge to cover his nose and fade back into the crowd. 

“Apologies, sir, it’s just that I couldn’t see and I’m Dirk’s biggest fan! Surely I didn’t put too much of a damper on–”

Jake’s voice is drowned out as a cheer erupts from all the fans, and his head snaps to see Dirk walking the red carpet with his older brother, both of them polished and sharp with the camera flashes reflecting in their shades. In his moment of starstruck stillness, the big guy growls and puts his beefy hand inside Jake’s collar. 

“Like ‘em so much, go get ‘em then!” 

And Jake finds himself literally  _tossed_  at Dirk Strider. With an unmanly whimper he prepares for impact, but it never comes. Instead, two sets of hands manage to catch him and place him upright, and he looks up at his idol with large, worshiping eyes. 

“You alright?” Dirk asks him, tossing a glare at the general direction from which Jake was thrown. 

“Y-yes sir, I was just–I was just trying to get closer and I caused a minor upset, I’m so sorry!” He starts to try and scramble back into the crowd, but Dirk has a pretty tight grip on his wrist. 

“Hey, dude chill. You didn’t do anything but liven up this shitty event as far as I’m concerned.” He looks over at Dave, who’s watching with amusement. “You mind if we have a plus one, bro?”

“Nah. Long as he worships us and tells us how great we are, he can hang. Nothin’ like a good ego stroke.”

“Can you do that?” Dirk asks, turning back to Jake. 

Jake just nods dumbly, his fingers entwining with Dirk’s as Dirk grabs his hand. Dave grabs his other one, obviously enjoying the whole upset and the mass of camera flashes that Jake’s presence is causing. 

As they walk inside, Dave lets him go, but Dirk merely squeezes his fingers tightly, and Jake thinks he’s probably going to die before this magical night can end. 


	10. Famous Dirkjake pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: dirkjake, really famous jake au

Dirk hates being dragged to these ridiculous dinners with his brother. They’re incredibly boring, and everyone is so fake, and the tabloids always make up a fight between the celebrities there when there really is no fight and Dirk could really do without all of it. 

And normally, Dave would let him stay behind. Normally, Dave would take Rose when she wasn’t busy, or take John when John promised not to run to every handsome movie star and pet his face. But tonight, Dave  _made_  Dirk accompany him, and Dirk has spent the majority of the night hiding macaroni and cheese in Dave’s coat pockets. 

After about two hours of absolutely  _nothing_ , Dave comes back to the table from mingling with his fancy friends and gives Dirk a smug look. 

“Did I ever tell you about my latest project, Dirk?” he asks, sitting by his less than willing little brother. 

“No,” Dirk says, silently hoping Dave will put the jacket on and find his gooey cheesy surprise. 

“Wrote a new script and it got picked up ‘bout a year ago,” Dave says, sipping his stupid dainty fruity drink. “Was a real tough job findin’ a lead actor for it though.”

“That is  _so_ fascinating,” Dirk murmurs. “Don’t know how you ever manage, bro. Must be a tough enough time balancing that huge head on your shoulders.” 

Dave cocks an eyebrow and then gives him an infuriating smirk that says he’s doing something behind the scenes that’s going to mess with Dirk’s peaceful existence. And about that time, someone walks behind Dirk, moving to Dave.

“Mr. Strider! This is quite the display you’ve put on for our little movie! Nearly everyone here has seen bits and pieces and is offering me their own scripts to read!” A very chipper voice says. Dirk looks curiously up at the newcomer and his jaw drops open. 

The guy has tan skin and crazy hair and dress pants that hug his beautiful ass perfectly. Dirk doesn’t even have to see his face to know he’s infatuated, but as soon as the guy turns to him, all sunshine and smiles lightened by these incredible emerald eyes, Dirk is ready to drop to his knees and do  _anything_  just to get the dude to keep looking at him. 

“Dirk,” Dave says in his ‘see what i do for you?’ voice. “This is Jake English. He’s the main character in the movie that’s premiering here tonight. Jake, this is my little brother, Dirk.”

“It’s a thrill to meet you!” Jake chirps, nearly bowling Dirk out of his chair. “David’s told me so much, but there’s nothing like meeting a fellow in person to learn his true colors!” He smiles again, and Dirk thinks his heart just exploded. 

“Jake, since the little weeabo nerd usually hides in his apartment watching Netflix all day, he wasn’t able to find a date for this shindig,” Dave says. 

“I came alone too!” Jake says. Everything he says seems like it’s supposed to end with about three exclamation points and a happy face. “Would you like to accompany me, Dirk?”

Dirk nods so fast he thinks he has whiplash. He grabs Jake’s hand, standing to get a closer look at him, and is even more destroyed when he sees that he towers over Jake English’s tiny frame. He wants to cuddle the guy in his jacket and never let him go. He owes Dave so much for this. Owes him a  _lifetime_  of brotherly deeds–

“Who the fuck put mac and cheese in my goddamn pockets?!” Dave screeches behind them.

“Run,” Dirk says to Jake, and they do, not looking back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently accepting prompts on my [tumblr](http://sachi-sama.tumblr.com/)


	11. Sleeping With Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: How abt ghost!dirk and jake who is a guy who can see ghosts?

Jake rolls over and looks to see Dirk lying beside him, as always. But Dirk isn’t really beside him in the bed. Dirk isn’t really even  _alive_ , but he’s still the best part of Jake’s life by far.

They met a little over a year ago. Jake happened to see him in the hospital while he was visiting his uncle. He didn’t know Dirk was dead, not at first. Not until Dirk zoomed toward him at incredible speed, hope in his orange eyes as he asked “ _holy shit can you see me?”_ Dirk didn’t know how long he’d been dead. He only knew that no one could interact with him before Jake came along.

And what else could Jake do but invite the poor guy back to his place? He had a feeling Dirk would follow anyway, as most ghosts tended to do so without permission. They always want something in particular, some reason they can’t pass on. And with all of them, Jake would help them find their way, helping them to the other side. 

But he can’t with Dirk. He doesn’t want Dirk to leave. And Dirk doesn’t  _want_  to leave. Jake doesn’t know what was keeping Dirk’s spirit here before, but he knows for a fact that Dirk is staying here for him now. Even though it hurts both of them for it to be this way.

Dirk smiles sadly at him and moves closer, his hand moving up to Jake’s cheek. It’s cold, and Jake can’t feel Dirk’s touch, can only feel the temperature. He swallows thickly.

“I wanna touch you…” Dirk says softly. “I want it so goddamn badly, Jake.”

“I know. I want that too, Dirk,” Jake replies. He closes his eyes and tries to imagine for a moment that Dirk’s touch is real, but it’s not real enough. Not for either of them. 

“Sometimes I wonder if this is what Hell is,” Dirk whispers, even though no one else would hear him even if he screamed. “Seeing you every day, loving you, not being able to hold you.”

Jake’s eyes fill with tears. “I…I read in one of Gramma’s books that…that when I’m asleep our spirits exist on the same plane. When I’m not in my physical body. I wonder if that’s true.”

“I don’t know, baby,” Dirk says. “But I know it’s late. You should sleep, other spiritual plane or not.”

Jake nods and scoots closer to him, even if they can’t really hold each other. He likes to imagine they can. 

He dreams of his own bedroom, and Dirk is there, smiling at him excitedly. Dirk runs and lifts him into his arms, and Jake cries because he can  _feel him_. He pulls Dirk into a desperate kiss, and their lips meet again and again, wet with both of their tears. 

Jake has no clue if it’s real or if it’s only a dream, but he savors each kiss, each touch, each whispered confession, hanging on Dirk’s every move and word, because he knows this is as real as it’s going to get. 


	12. Like a Bartender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: dirkjake or johndave, bartender au and someone becomes infatuated/starts flirting, slowing down or even stopping their work (i went with johndave because almost all of these are dirkjake)

John is wiping the counter, more than ready to go after the insane night. A convention was held at the hotel, and the hotel bar he’s been working at for four months was suddenly overrun by angry tourists with a lot of money and no brain-to-mouth filters. John’s been called just about every name in the book tonight, and he’s tired. 

And then, there’s the guy leaning against the counter.

He’s just been  _there_ , not doing anything but sipping his bright pink drink the previous bartender made him, but she left an hour ago, along with most of the patrons. But this guy is just sitting there, drinking at an incredibly slow pace, his head tilted in John’s direction. John wants to say the guy is looking at him, but he can’t be sure. Not with those silly sunglasses on.

John can’t think of a single reason the dude would need to wear sunglasses indoors, especially when it’s about two in the morning, but he isn’t going to ask. 

“Long night?” The guy suddenly speaks to him, and John jumps in surprise from the deep voice. 

“Uh…yeah. Extremely long,” John replies. He tries to appear nonchalant as he washes a few glasses in the sink. 

“Seems like you handled it well enough,” the guy says, sipping his drink again. “What time do you get to leave?”

“Not until 3,” John answers mournfully. “What are you drinking anyway?”

“Sex on the beach,” the guy says, waggling his eyebrows at him, and John can feel himself turning red as he tries to hold in a laugh. “What’s the matter, bro? Don’t like sex on the beach?”

“I think sand would get in places,” John giggles stupidly, and the guy grins at him. “So are you here for the convention?”

“Nah. Sadly I live in this city. Only came to this bar to see you.”

John looks up at him from his fabricated cleaning, shocked. To see  _him_? He looks at the guy for a long time before he remembers he’s supposed to be cleaning! Cleaning and closing up!

“I…I haven’t seen you before?” John tries, making it a point to not look at him. 

“Yeah, I only came once with my friend a few nights ago. She saw the way I was oglin’ you, and she has this thing where she thinks she knows my life, and said it would be good for me to talk to you or some shit. So here I am, talkin’ to you. Probably scarin’ the shit outta you.”

“I’m not scared! I’m just–I don’t know. Not good at this.” John gives up on his work and leans against the counter, smirking playfully at the man. “So what’d you want to talk about?”

The guy grins back at him, and they get to know each other. 


	13. Animals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dirkjake ♡ Bunny jake and wolf dirk ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw

Jake is curled into himself, munching casually on some lettuce while he reads his comic books. He’s always been fairly healthy when it came to snacking, so this recent change hasn’t been too worrisome for him. He’s content to let Jade figure out how to turn them all back in her own time, since her potion disaster led to them all turning into ridiculously cute animal hybrids. 

Jake’s ear twitches and he scratches the floppy thing, huffing and trying to move it away from his face so he can concentrate on the book. The only downside to all of these shenanigans is the timid twitching he can’t control, the desire to always run and hide. He’s always been fairly timid in his own way, but this is just ridiculous! Why couldn’t he have been turned into something cool, like Dirk? 

Speaking of Dirk, he comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and a sour look on his face.

“I can’t style my hair with these stupid ears,” he hisses, one of his furry wolf ears wiggling around as if to emphasize. Jake grins at him.

“Patience, pet. Jade is working on it!”

“Easy for you to say. You look fuckin’ adorable. I look–”

“Equally adorable!” Jake cuts him off, his eyes returning to his book. “Don’t fret about it, just try and enjoy it! At least you aren’t a prey animal.”

“Yeah. I’m the predator,” Dirk says with a low growl. In a flash, he’s nestled in behind Jake, wrapped so seamlessly around him that Jake feels as though Dirk is merging with him.

“Dirk…” Jake gasps, his instincts taking over. The other awful part of this bunny nonsense is his increased libido, which Dirk has been enjoying. Dirk’s hips rock against his ass, and Jake can feel how hard Dirk already is for him.

“You like that, baby?” Dirk’s voice rumbles in his ear, rolling him over and gently pressing his stomach into the mattress as he pulls down his pajama bottoms, continuing to rock against him, skin on skin now.

“A-ahh…Dirk…Dirk  _please_ …” Jake whimpers, shamelessly arching back against him, seeking more contact. 

“Look so good, Jake. Could just eat you up…” Dirk growls again, biting into his neck, and Jake cries out in pleasure, completely at Dirk’s mercy as his boyfriend finally takes pity on him and reaches over to their bedside table for the lube. 

Later, when Dirk is cuddled against him, snoring softly, Jake decides he can wait as long as he needs for the potion that will turn them back to normal. The bunny thing is actually starting to grow on him. 


	14. Brotherly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: johndave collegestuck au w/ omg-just-omg-you-are-NOT-allowed-to-be-this-cute-egbert-wtf-dirk-dirk-help-me-im-dying

The microwave timer beeps, signaling the end of his long wait for his pizza rolls, and Dave swipes one off the plate before they can cool, fanning into his mouth when it burns his tongue. John walks into the apartment and sighs, shaking his head, reaching in the fridge to grab his dingus roommate a Coke. 

“You’re the dumbest person I’ve ever shared a place with,” John comments while Dave drains the can, cooling his poor burned tongue.

“I’m the only person, John,” Dave reminds him, closing the microwave door before John can nag him about it. “Your dad doesn’t count.” 

“Whatever. So, what are we doing this weekend?” John leans against the counter and looks so cute with his wide eyes that Dave’s insides do that weird churning thing that says ‘WE-NEED-HIM-HOLY-SHIT’ but he swallows the urge to say that and instead pops another pizza roll into his mouth.

“I’m goin’ home to see bro. Gotta fill the bondin’ quota, y’know. He misses me.”

John gives him a long stare. “You’re going home to see Dirk, who we live literally only one hour away from, and that’s going to take all weekend?”

“I mean, we might do shit–I don’t know, John, do I look like I know what’s goin’ on in my life? Jesus, just let me lament about my shitty weekend plans in peace.”

John whistles and backs away, raising his hands in defeat. “Alright, well I’ll probably see you Saturday and then you can make plans with me like a normal person.” He leaves the room, and Dave devours the rest of his junk food with a frown on his face. 

The next day he barges into his brother’s apartment. It’s not like the guy has a life, so it doesn’t matter. He drags his bag behind him and goes straight to Dirk’s office, slamming the door open and making Dirk drop some stupid robot part and turn to him, scandalized. 

“Dave, what the fuck!” he yells, but he doesn’t get to say much before Dave marches over to him and flops against him.

“Dirk, Dirk help me I’m in love and I can’t deal, help me,” he whines. Dirk grumbles and tries to shrug him off.

“You’ve  _been_  in love with the dude since you were like, 14,” he comments snidely. “And now you’ve got him living with you and you still can’t fuck him? You’re pretty damn bad at bein’ a Strider, Dave.” He goes back to his work, learning to shuffle around with Dave’s lanky frame draped around him. 

“You don’t understand, he’s my best friend, I can’t just put the moves on him. If he doesn’t love me back, it’ll ruin my life.” Dave then holds onto him tighter, letting his legs give out so his entire weight is being dragged along. “Bro, help meeeeeeeee.”

“Dave, jesus fuck, the dude’s loved you since  _before_  you loved him!” Dirk grunts. “Get off me!” 

“Not till you help me!” Dave says, slapping the robot head out of Dirk’s hands. “Why don’t you love me, Dirk? Do I not make you proud? Didn’t I live up to your expectations?” 

Dirk tries to wrestle him off, then he tries to pry him off, and finally he sighs, tilting against the wall and running his hands through his hair. 

“I hate you so goddamn much,” he says. “Fine. You wanna know what you gotta do?”

Dave nods.

“Take him to a stupid movie and then a stupid dinner but make sure he knows it’s a date before he agrees to go. John’s obsessed with movies, I dunno how you don’t realize that. I realize that and he’s not even my friend. Now go do that and get the fuck out of here, I have an order to finish and you’re in my way!” 

“That is really stupid advice, Dirk, but whatever, fine. I’ll do that and then come back home after my heart is broken just so I can ruin your life constantly because you didn’t give me good advice.” 

Dirk marches into the living room, dragging Dave along, and then picks up Dave’s bag and throws both it and Dave out of the apartment, locking the door, and Dave has no choice but to drive back to his and John’s apartment. 

Once he goes inside he finds John vegging out on the couch, watching a TV movie. John sits up and looks at him curiously. 

“I thought you were doing something with Dirk?” he asks. Dave swallows and decides it’s now or never.

“No, he’s shitty in everything and I hate him. Look–I dunno how you feel about all this, ‘cause the last time we talked about it we were like 12 and you kept throwin’ around the phrase ‘no homo’ like it was a conceivable thing normal people say, which it’s not, and it never was, and it kinda messed me up for a while ‘cause in case you haven’t noticed, I  _am_  pretty homo and I kind of love you. So, you know, the magic that entails usually means I wanna take you out and kiss your stupid face, and maybe watch whatever movie you want while tryin’ to hold in my brilliant comments on how lame it is.” Dave says in one breath. He inhales deeply and tries to decipher John’s shocked face. 

“Dave…I–wow.” John says, slowly moving to stand up. “I mean–I don’t think I like guys like that but–you aren’t just any guy and…” He looks up at Dave with the most wonderful flush on his cheeks and nods. “Yeah, let’s go do all that. I’ll go get dressed.” And then he kisses Dave’s cheek and scurries off to his room like he didn’t just knock the world off it’s axis. Dave stands in disbelief before he punches the air triumphantly, dancing in place like a loon.

Four months later finds both Dave and Dirk in John’s dad’s house, all the way in Washington to visit the old man. Dirk is severely cramping Dave’s style, moaning and groaning about any and everything. 

“Why do  _I_  have to be here?” He asks for what must be the thousandth time. 

“Because John had to come see his dad, I had to follow John because I am sadly dependent on his existence, and John has a cousin here who is visiting from Hawaii or some shit, and I don’t wanna share John the whole time with the dude. So you’re gonna put the charm on him and keep him outta my hair.”

“I don’t  _want_  to put the charm on anyone,” Dirk snarks, crossing his arms. “This is stupid.”

Dave starts to reply but then John walks back in the room, tugging someone along who looks very similar to him, though the other dude is tanner, a bit taller, and leaner than John. He grins at them nervously, green eyes landing on Dirk.

“This is Jake,” John says. “Jake, that’s my boyfriend, Dave, and his brother, Dirk.”

“It’s a pleasure!” Jake says in this accent that makes no sense.

“Yeah, well his majesty is bitchin’ about goin’ home, so it might just be the three of us,” Dave starts, but then Dirk literally shoves him away and moves forward to Jake’s side, wrapping an arm around him.

“So where to?” he asks casually, and Jake sort of just settles against him with a pleased little smile, and Dave balks at them and looks at John, nothing in his life making sense. 

“How the fuck is that even a thing!” he asks, motioning between them. 

“Told you you were just bad at bein’ a Strider,” Dirk says, waggling his eyebrows at them before he leads Jake away. “So Jake, baby, tell me about that accent.”


	15. Lovesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: dirkjake au where dirk goes to visit jake and theres just plant allergies galore for him

Green. Green everything. That’s all Jake’s island is. 

When Dirk first saw a picture of Jake, his first thought–okay well his _second_  thought was that he’d never seen anything as green as Jake’s eyes. His  _first_  thought was “ _holy fucking shit yesssssssss”._ But being here now, he thinks he’ll have to rethink his second thought,(the first thought is still very much the same) because Jake’s eyes are the embodiment of the island he loves so much. They dance with joy like trees in the wind and when the light hits them just right, Dirk swears they glow. 

He wants so badly to scoop Jake into his arms and kiss him. And he does, because absolutely nothing is stopping him. He and Jake have been dating for about a year, but today is the first time they’ve officially met, and Dirk feels like he can’t kiss Jake enough. Jake is always willing to oblige the contact, kissing him back and giggling at Dirk’s absurdity. Looking around, Dirk can see why Jake is so happy to have him here.

The island is extremely beautiful, but it’s also incredibly lonely. 

Dirk threads his fingers through Jake’s and stays close to his wonderful beautiful tiny jungle boy despite the heat, deciding he’ll stay as long as Jake wants him to.

But everything changed when the pollen attacked. 

Dirk  _was_  having a good time with Jake, who enjoys parading around and pointing out every damn  _seashell_  to Dirk, but then his eyes started watering. And then his skin started itching. And then the sneezing started. And now he’s so miserable he’s having a hard time fighting it, but he damn sure gives it his all. Jake side-eyes him as they walk together.

“Dirk, are you  _sure_  you’re alright?” he asks worriedly. “You’ve sneezed enough times in the past ten minutes to fill your yearly quota, I think.” 

“I  _told_  you man, Striders don’t get sick,” Dirk says. 

“Those sound like incredibly goofy and untrue last words.” 

“Who knew my sweet Jakey was actually a sass-master the entire time he was butterin’ me up?” Dirk asks no one, pausing for dramatic effect. Jake gives him an amused look and seems about ready to drop it until another sneezing fit catapults Dirk’s shades right off his face, into the sand below. When he straightens up and reaches for them, Jake is giving him a stern look, his hands on his hips.

“Dirk Strider, I  _demand_  you come inside this instant!” he huffs, foot-stomping and all. “You’re being ridiculous! You need allergy medication and I have plenty for you to choose from!” 

“It’s not  _allergies_ ,” Dirk argues, though he knows that’s exactly what it is. “I just have to get used to it, is all.”

“I’ve lived here my whole life, Dirk. You’ll have to wait  _years_  to build up a tolerance like mine! Come now, stop being a fuddy-duddy!” Jake moves under his arm and supports his weight, practically dragging him through the sand in a display of strength Dirk didn’t think he had. Dirk allows himself to be dragged along, because he feels like shit, and there are worse things in life than being pulled indoors by an incredibly attractive and spunky Jake English. 

Jake parks him on the couch and goes to fetch the allergy pills, moving back to Dirk and handing him some, along with a glass of water. He then makes some surprisingly not shitty vegetable soup, and watches Dirk eat the entire thing with a pleased face. Later, when they’re watching a movie (Dirk’s pick because Jake loves them all anyway) Dirk rubs his face against Jake’s bare thigh and sighs happily, already feeling better. Jake hums absently and pets through his hair, and Dirk is reminded of how he wanted to greet Jake  _properly_  after all these nights of only wishing he could. 

He sits up, startling Jake, who looks at him curiously. Dirk cups his face and slowly,  _slowly_  leans in, brushing their lips together. He savors Jake’s quiet sigh and doesn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss with a swipe of his tongue, going further than they have all day because of this allergy fiasco. 

Jake melts against him, opening his mouth and allowing himself to be pushed into the cushions, Dirk’s larger frame crawling over him to seek a better angle as their tongues sloppily slide together. Dirk pulls away and brushes Jake’s bangs away from his forehead, smiling softly at him as he admires his wonderfully ravished boyfriend. 

“Love you,” he murmurs, tracing Jake’s lips with his thumb. They’ve said it over the phone a thousand times now, but Jake’s face still lights up.

“I love you, too,” Jake replies, tilting his face to nuzzle Dirk’s hand. “I hope you can see more of the island tomorrow, pet. It’s been so nice having you here–” 

Dirk cuts him off with another firm kiss. He’s seen enough of the jungle, he thinks. Besides, he can always see the trees dancing in the wind just by looking in Jake’s eyes. 


	16. An Accidental Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Jake accidentally proposes to Dirk, alien prince? :3c

Jake is a nervous wreck around the royalty, as always. Being raised on Prospit among the working class is basically a “how to” guide as far as messing up goes. He always says or does the wrong thing even among his own king and queen, but he botches up things even  _worse_  with Dersites because life is just different on Derse. They do such strange things, even when compared to all the other planets. Jake has met plenty of different beings from around their small corner of the universe, and all of them tend to agree that Dersites are to be taken with a grain of salt. 

Jake stands uneasily beside Jane, his good friend who likes to casually remind him when he’s doing the wrong thing, and they make sure not to make eye contact with any of the upper class. But Jake can’t help curiously looking up when a loud clanking noise startles him, and he sees a brilliant orange flash, even from across the room when he locks eyes with the  _prince of Derse_. He makes a small noise of pain when Jane stomps on his foot.

“What are you  _doing_ , you  _dingus_?!” she hisses in his ear. 

“I don’t know! He was being loud! I didn’t mean to!”

“Keep your eyes  _down!_  If you get in trouble, I’m not cleaning up your mess!”

“No one is telling you to!”

“Excuse me,” an unknown voice says, and both of them look up to see deep purple and gold, mixed with golden blond hair and a mischievous smirk. The prince looks them both over and offers Jake his hand. “Would you like to dance?”

Jake casts a quick look to Jane and she lightly kicks him, motioning to the price, and Jake nods dumbly, accepting Dirk’s gloved hand. He doesn’t know how to dance. Or speak to royalty. Especially  _Dersite_  royalty. 

“Relax,” the prince says. “Forgive me for startling you before, but you were looking at your own feet so intently that I couldn’t see your face. And seeing you now, I think it was  _wicked_  of you to hide your face from me.” He grins easily, and Jake feels his face light on fire as the prince’s hands come to rest on his waist. “Move your hands to my shoulders.” 

Jake does as instructed, and they start to sway along with the music. He flinches when he feels a hand under his chin, and then he’s forced to look up into the prince’s eyes again. 

“Keep looking at me,” he says softly. “Would you allow me to hear your voice?”

Jake shakes his head, knowing he’s out of line, but the prince doesn’t reprimand him. He only looks at him sadly. 

“Why not? I saw you talking with your friend.”

“Because–I’m bad at this. I always say the wrong things, and then I get into trouble with our boss for bothering the royalty and I have to scrub all the latrines in the palace!” Jake says quickly. He starts to look down again but the prince’s hand is still on his face, preventing it. 

“Don’t think about my reporting you to anyone. I promise I won’t. I’m the one bothering you, not the other way around.” The prince smiles and Jake’s stomach turns. “You can call me Dirk. What can I call you?”

“I–I’m Jake English.”

“Jake,” Dirk says with another smile. They dance for song after song, and Jake grows more comfortable with him, easily chatting and laughing. When it grows late, Jake finds his head pressed against Dirk’s shoulder, and he smiles against the silky purple fabric when Dirk’s head tilts against his. 

“Will you do me the honor of staying in my chambers with me?” Dirk asks softly. He must feel Jake stiffen, because he quickly adds, “just to sleep, I promise. We’re only here until the week ends and I don’t want to be a moment without you.”

“I…I’m not supposed to stay in the royal quarters. I’ve only been inside of them long enough to help clean them before–”

“You don’t have to,” Dirk says.

“But…but I  _want_  to. I do want to.”

Dirk pets his face and doesn’t wait to pull him along, towards the royal quarters. Jake stays close to him, wanting to make sure everyone can plainly see Dirk is the one leading him.

They arrive inside the chambers and Jake stands awkwardly in the room as Dirk moves about, getting settled. When Dirk leaves the room for something, Jake spazzes around, unbelieving of what’s happening to him. He can’t wait to talk to Jane later and tell her about this wonderful night! As he’s waiting to be told what to do, he looks up and sees the golden drapes covering the windows are…uneven! Whoever hung them didn’t check! He looks around and sees Dirk still hasn’t returned, so he moves to the window and tries to fix them.

“Jake, are you–” Dirk’s voice starts, and Jake jumps violently, knocking the drapes off the window and burying himself in gold. He hurriedly uncovers his head and looks at Dirk, starting to explain, but Dirk is down on his knees, eyes wide. “ _Jake_ ,” he says. “I never dreamed you already felt the same.”

“Uh,” Jake says. 

Dirk stands and moves forward, pulling Jake into such an enthusiastic kiss that Jake’s feet lift off the ground, and he has no idea what’s going on.

“We can marry as soon as you’d like,” Dirk says. “You can live in my palace with me. Or would you like us to stay here? I can always stay at my planet’s embassy here for you.” He smiles at Jake’s confusion. “You’ve made me so happy.”

Later, at dinner the next night, Dirk announces their engagement, and Jake is bowled over by Dirk’s sister, named Roxy.

“Awww yeah, mama’s got a new bro!” she says, kissing Jake’s cheek, and in the distance, Jake can see Jane shaking her head. 

As he moves behind Dirk through the crowd, he hears Jane say, “you didn’t know about the customary draping your body in curtains to propose, did you?”

“No,” Jake whispers in return, taking Dirk’s hand and kissing him easily. Besides, he thinks he’s made worse mistakes. 


	17. A Wrestle Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: going for the biggest cliche but def my fave- dirkjake highschool au

“Are you coming to my wrestling match, Strider?” Jake asks as they walk down the hall, heading to the lunchroom.

“Don’t I always?” Dirk replies. He sees Roxy already at their table with Jane, waving them over.

“Yes, but-!” Jake pauses, shuffling around. “But, erm. Perhaps you’d like to hang around afterwards? To perhaps go see a movie? Or…or whatever you’d like to do!” 

Dirk freezes and looks down at his blushing best bro, the implications hanging in the air. He feels his own face heating up, and he swallows dryly.

“I’d like that,” he says. “I’d really like that.”

“Splendid!” Jake beams at him, easily wrapping his hand around Dirk’s. “If you’re lucky, I’ll show you my new wrestling holds.”

“You always–oh.” Dirk grins mischievously at him, catching his drift. “Hopefully I get lucky then.” They walk hand in hand to the back of the lunch line, hearing Roxy screech happily in the distance. 


	18. A Bright Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:Oh! Pls do a teacher/student story! Preferably dirk/jake (-_^) wink wink

Jake stares at his mass of metal and bolts with a red face. He’s the only one who couldn’t figure out how to fix them into their rightful shape, a machine part of some sort. He hears snickering all around him as his teacher moves in front of his table, staring down at him.

“Jake. What is this?” Mr. Strider asks.

“A mess,” Jake answers honestly. “I’m sorry.”

“See me after class,” Mr. Strider says, moving past his table without another word. As soon as the clock strikes three, everyone walks out to get on with their weekend. Everyone aside from Jake, who moves to Mr. Strider’s desk with his tail between his legs. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?” he asks softly. Mr. Strider looks at him carefully through his silly sunglasses. 

“Jake, why are you taking engineering? You’re horrible at it.”

“I beg your pardon! I fixed that light that one time!” Jake squawks. 

“It lit on  _fire_ and we had to evacuate.”

“Okay, when you say it like  _that_ –”

“Jake, I’m not trying to bully you,” Mr. Strider says. “I’m simply saying after looking at your files, I noticed you’re also taking archaeology and excelling at it.”

“Oh, yes, it’s always been a passion of mine.”

“But you’re trying to major in engineering?”

“Well…it’s easier to find a job in it and…my father–”

“Stop right there,” Mr. Strider says, holding his hand up. “Pleasing your parents will only work for so long. You have to live your life for yourself.” He shuffles around in his desk and hands Jake a few pamphlets, some about changing majors and some about archaeology. Jake shifts through them and is confused when he comes to a restaurant menu. He looks up at Mr. Strider to see his grin. 

“What’s this last one?” Jake asks.

“An invitation. I’d like to help you on your path to find what’s right for you. How’s dinner sound?”

“It sounds great but–but won’t you get in trouble? I’m a student.”

“I think we can both agree not to discuss it outside of here. If the dinner is something you want.”

“It is. It  _really_  is. Mr–”

“Dirk.”

“Dirk. The dinner is something I want.”

“Good,” Dirk smiles. He stands and picks up his coat, pulling it on as Jake scrambles to stand as well. “We have a lot to discuss.”

“Oh, about my studies?” Jake asks, fretting because he wonders if he misread Dirk’s intentions. 

“About how cute you are and how it distracts me from teaching. Another reason I want you out of my class.” Dirk grins at him and holds the door open. “We can start with talking about that.”

Jake nods dumbly and follows him, never more eager to discuss dropping a class in his life. 


	19. A Splash of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dirkjake soulmate au:o

Dirk sits next to Roxy on the bus, hating everything. They  _could_  be in his car instead of on this stupid shitty bus ride, but she wouldn’t wait the hour it would take to finish his repairs. There’s some exhibit at the museum on lizards she wants to see, and he had no choice but to be dragged along.

It’s a dreary day, rain falling from the sky and coating the windows as he looks out them, pouting the whole while. Everything sucks and he hates it.

 “It’s so gray out, don’t you agree?” Roxy asks him cheerfully and he shoves her. She’s already found her soulmate, Jane, and can see everything in color. She often tells him his eyes are orange, but he doesn’t know what orange is. Everything blends together.

The bus stops to pick up some more people, and Dirk grumbles some more, sinking into his seat. He hears a soft gasp, and he looks up to see what happened.

And it’s that quick.

As soon as his eyes land on the guy standing in front of his and Roxy’s seat, the gray goes away, the black and white. In return are so many different shades he can’t comprehend them, and he can tell by the guy’s scared face that he’s seeing the same. Because of him.

Roxy looks between them and smirks, standing and pushing the guy in her seat. She observes him cheekily.

“Dirk, his eyes are green,” she tells him with a wink as she sit behind them instead, giving them privacy.

“Dirk,” the guy says, smiling. “You have a nice name. I’m Jake.”

“Jake,” Dirk nods, repeating it again as he stares at his soulmate’s  _green_  eyes, already head over heels. And it looks like he also has a new favorite color.


	20. Marco Polo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Yoo, what about fluffy & smutty awkward first time JohnDaves? :U<3

He groans loudly as Dave presses him into the mattress, kissing him deeply as he pumps his fingers in and out of his body, finally establishing a rhythm. It took a while, but Dave’s learning his body, learning his likes and dislikes, and it’s  _good_  It’s so good.

“Dave…” John whimpers. “I want you…”

Dave snorts. “Well I should hope so, or this just took a pretty bad turn.”

John stares at him. And then he swats him.

“I take it back! I don’t want you!” 

“Whatever man, your previous actions tell otherwise. You said, and I quote, ‘fuck me, Dave’. Which would  _suggest_ –”

“Okay! Jeeze, get it over with already so I can start hating you again!” John hisses, leaning up to grab the lube. He squirts a  _lot_  of it in his hand, unsure of how much is  _too_  much, and he slathers it over Dave’s erection, enjoying Dave’s soft sigh.

“John,  _fuck_ ,” Dave hisses.

“Yeah, that’s what you’re taking forever to do,” John snarks.

“I’m wounded, Egbert. You don’t like my foreplay efforts. Next time it’ll be wham, bam, thank you ma’am,” Dave says as he presses himself into John’s hand.

“Thank you  _sir_ ,” John corrects.

“That doesn’t rhyme though.” Dave pulls him into a kiss as he gently pushes John into bed again, guiding himself inside slowly,  _incredibly_  slowly. John arches against him with a soft whine, already impatient for him to move.

“Should we play the hot and cold game until I find your prostate?” Dave smirks as he kisses John’s face, still not moving. 

“I will literally  _kill_  you if you don’t shut up,” John growls, wrapping his legs around Dave. “Move! I’ve waited long enough for you!”

“But is it hot or cold, John? Inquiring minds want to know.”

“You haven’t  _moved_  yet!”

“So cold then, huh?”

John starts to tell him to just fuck  _himself_  but then Dave moves, and everything in his mind turns to static. It’s over quickly,  _embarrassingly_ quickly, but John is content to keep trying until they can both last. He snuggles into Dave’s chest, happy to sleep and forget about killing Dave for now.

“Or next time we can do a Marco Polo thing. Instead of Marco Polo it can be Marco Prostate, how’s that sound?” Dave asks him sleepily. 

John pushes him out of the bed. 


	21. A Sickly Prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dirkjake prom au is my weakness

Dirk agreed to go to prom for two reasons and two reasons, only. Firstly, because Jake looked so cute when he asked, and two, because he knows it will win him serious brownie points in Jake’s mind. So it’s with a lot of grumbling and groaning that he procures a suit, and even more huffing and puffing that he puts it on and goes to pick Jake up. 

But Jake isn’t the one who answers the door.

“Dirk!” Jake’s grandmother exclaims. “I thought Jake already called you!”

“Huh?” Dirk checks his phone and sees it’s on silent and he indeed has three missed calls from Jake and a voicemail. 

“You poor dears, you both got your hopes up. Jake’s upstairs, hopefully asleep. He’s not feeling well and his fever was outrageous! I told him he needed to sleep it off. You’re more than welcome to go up there with him if you’d like.” 

Dirk nods and climbs the stairs, worriedly moving to Jake’s room. He finds his boyfriend very much awake, miserably surfing through channels, still in his adorable suit.

“Dirk!” Jake says, his voice raspy. “You look dashing! I tried to call–”

“I know, my phone was on silent.” Dirk moves to sit beside him. “How’re you feelin’?”

“Awful. I woke up and felt a little off but it got worse throughout the day and I can’t get anything past Gramma.” Jake shakes his head. “I did  _so_  have my hopes up about tonight, too.”

Dirk pets his cheek and offers him his hand, pulling him up when Jake looks at him curiously. 

“Don’t need all that nonsense to appreciate how cute you look,” Dirk says, pulling out his phone and putting on his favorite song. Jake tilts against him and they sway to the music together.

“You’re going to get my cold,” Jake mumbles after a few songs. He nuzzles into Dirk’s shoulder with a happy sigh. “You’re so wonderful.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t let everyone know how great I am,” Dirk says. He hums along to the music and laughs softly when Jake stops moving because he’s drifting off against Dirk’s shoulder.

“C’mon, baby,” Dirk mumbles, lifting Jake and carrying him to his bed. He crawls in beside him and pulls him close right as the door slams open. Jake’s grandmother stands there, pointing at him in warning. 

“No funny business, Dirk!” she says. “This door is staying open!” 

“He’s sick!” Dirk defends. “Besides, you know I would  _never_  do anything to betray your trust.”

She narrows her eyes at him and points some more before she backs slowly out of the door. 

“Liar,” Jake mutters against his shirt. “You are the worst liar.”

“Shut up, I’m wonderful, remember?”


	22. Enchanting Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: dirkjake; witch!jake in a coven of protective older witches au:D

Dirk sits in the branches of a nearby tree, staking out a cave in the distance. He knows for a fact it’s not just any cave–it’s home to a coven of witches. 

But the witches aren’t why he’s there. Or maybe they are. He doesn’t know yet.

Inside the cave is an adorable dude with dark hair that goes every which way and has a voice like honey and Dirk saw him outside just the other evening and hasn’t been able to forget him. Dirk wants to see him again, wants to  _speak_  to him and not just overhear him talking to someone else–but this is just as good for now. He tried to approach the stranger in the crowd last time but one of the witches turned around and hissed at him and now Dirk has to do it this way.

Some uneducated people would call this stalking. 

Dirk considers it research. Research that  _won’t_  get him turned into a newt. 

A loud cackling noise fills the air and Dirk finds himself surrounded in less than a second. He yelps and falls out of the tree, but he’s caught by one of the witches, and he’s swooped inside the cave before he can react. They all look at him closely.

“Isn’t this the guy you hissed at last week, Jade?” One of them asks.

“Yes! He was eyeing Jakey with lustful intent!” The one named Jade says. 

“The scoundrel! Let’s fry him!” Another says.

“Please!” Dirk finds himself speaking up. “I meant nothing but to  _speak to_  him! He’s–he’s beautiful and I would like to know him for more than just that!”

“So you won’t go away no matter what we do, eh?” Jade asks. She rubs her chin thoughtfully. “Jakey!” she calls loudly. Dirk gasps as the object of his affection walks into the room, green eyes lit by the fire burning beside them.

“Yes, Gramma?” he asks, looking at Dirk with wonder.

“This is your new pet. If he mistreats you, tell me and I’ll turn him into a newt.”

“Oh, yay! Thank you, Gramma!” The guy moves to Dirk’s side and helps him stand, a gorgeous smile on his face. “I’m Jake!” he chirps. “What’s your name?”

“Dirk,” Dirk rasps, staring at him in awe. He’s even more perfect up close. “Uh. What exactly does being your pet entail? I mean, I have no complaints, obviously, I’m just curious.” 

“Stick around and see, chum!” Jake says, winking at him. He pulls Dirk into the next room and shows him massive piles of comic books and spell books and an entire world Dirk never knew existed.

And Dirk is wonderfully captivated with Jake, even without the need for magic. 


	23. WHY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Jake is an overdamatic pair of shoes and demands that Dirk wear him every day. Meanwhile John is a penny that Dave has to make a wish on and throw into a fountain at the zoo.

“Dirk Strider, I demand you put me on this instant!”

Dirk sighs loudly, trying to ignore the yelling.

“Get over here! Dirk, get inside of me now!” 

Sometimes Dirk really wishes he couldn’t hear his shoes talking to him. He moves across the room and looks down at his bright orange sneakers, who claim to be named Jake despite being two separate shoes.

“You don’t match my outfit,” Dirk tries to reason. 

“Hogswallop! I match every outfit! I am a blasted pair of sneakers, not some bedazzled pair of high heels!” 

“It’s really nothing personal, okay? I just think I should wear my black shoes today.”

“Oh,” Jake says, his laces flopping around. “I see how it is! You  _hate_  me!” 

“Jake, no–”

“I hope you and your stupid black sneakers fall into a mud puddle and  _die_ , you fruity haired ninja tart!!! I’ll be here wasting away all alone while you adventure without me! Festering  _fiend_ , I’ve given you my youth and this is how you repay me?!” Jake’s tongue trembles and then his laces fall sadly. “I love you, and you don’t even care!”

Dirk sighs and runs his hands through his hair before he steps inside of Jake, trying not to think too much about the way Jake quivers with pleasure around his feet.

“Yes! Where to?” Jake asks, lacing himself. 

“The zoo. We’re meeting Dave there.”

“I don’t care much for David!” Jake tells him as they walk outside. “He always steps in gum and doesn’t think one thing about it! His poor shoes!”

“I’ll tell him,” Dirk says. “We’ll liberate all his shoes. It’ll be mass exodus.”

“You’re being sarcastic!” Jake reprimands. “Where would mankind be without shoes, hmm? Missing a few toes from frostbite, I’d wager! And–and full of tacks and rocks! You  _need_  me, Mister! I suggest changing your tone!”

Dirk sighs again and enjoys the walk once Jake stops lecturing him and just hums to himself. They get to the zoo pretty quickly, finding Dave inside the gate by the water fountain, taking pictures with his phone.

“Yo,” Dave says, not looking up as Dirk approaches. “You wanna see the giraffes first? I wanna see the giraffes first.”

“THROW ME! THROW ME IN! COME ON, DAVE, I NEED IT!” An unknown voice screams. 

“Uh,” Dirk says. 

“YEAH, BABY, THROW ME IN THAT WATER, LET ME MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!”

“Oh, dear!” Jake says. “There’s a penny in David’s pocket that needs to be thrown!”

“That’s a  _penny_?” Dirk asks disbelievingly. 

“Hey, you alright?” Dave asks, waving his hands in front of Dirk’s face. 

“PICK ME UP AND THROW ME DAVE JUST LET ME HAVE IT!” The penny screams. 

“What’s your name, friend?” Jake asks cheerfully. 

“JOHN!” The penny screeches. 

“I’m Jake!” Jake chirps, his tongue moving against Dirk’s foot. 

“JAKE TELL DAVE TO THROW ME! I WANT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY!”

“Dirk,” Jake starts.

“Dave,” Dirk says. “You, uh. You have a penny in your pocket. You should, you know. Toss it in the fountain.” 

Dave looks at him carefully for a moment before he says, “Dirk, what the fuck.” He digs in his pocket and pulls out the penny, as well as a ball of lint that, thankfully, can’t talk. 

“YESSSSSS FUCK YES YOUR FINGERS FEEL SO GOOD DAVE!!!” John the penny screams. 

“Alright then, crazy Dirk strikes again,” Dave mumbles to himself, tossing John into the water of the fountain.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! I LOVE YOU DAVE!” John screams before he lands in the water with a tiny sploosh. He continues to yell, though it comes out distorted by the water. “IT’S WET DOWN HERE!”

“Can we go now?” Dave asks. “The giraffes are callin’ my name.”

Dirk nods and they set off, Jake humming to himself again, probably to a shoe song Dirk’s never heard. In the distance, Dirk can hear John screaming some more about how much he loves water. And Dave. And water again.

“I liked that penny,” Jake says. “We should come visit him!”

“You’re enough for me, Jake,” Dirk whispers, and Jake tightens around him, obviously pleased. 


	24. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dirkjake medieval au? If you're still doing them, that is.

“Your sword is polished, my lord,” Jake says quietly, handing Dirk his prized, glittering sword. Before he can pull away, Dirk holds his face, looking into his eyes.

“I will be back, Jake. You don’t have to look so down.”

“B-but–it’s just…” Jake’s lip trembles and he forgets himself as he jumps into Dirk’s arms, burying against him. “Everyone’s died in this war with Alternia. You–you mustn’t go! Stay with me, please!”

“Jake,” Dirk says gently, pulling him into a kiss as his gloved hands wipe Jake’s face gently. “I will always return to you. You know my duty lies with my kingdom.”

Jake warbles miserably and nods, refusing to let him go.

“But my heart lies with  _you_. I will return. You have my word.”

The next day, Jake watches Dirk and his small group of men valiantly ride away on their horses, the gallops covered with the cheers from the crowd. Dirk’s loyal subjects. They’d sooner see him die for the cause than live a happy and fulfilled life. Jake goes to Dirk’s chambers and buries in Dirk’s bed, though he isn’t supposed to. 

He doesn’t emerge for days.

When he does, it’s to news of jubilation. The war is over! Dirk and his men prevailed and are on their way home! And as soon as Jake hears galloping, he runs outside, nearly bowling Dirk off of his horse. Dirk laughs against his ear and pulls him closer, the two of them forgetting everything else.

“Told you I’d come back,” Dirk tells him smugly.

“I  _hate_  you for making me worry so,” Jake whispers. “But thank you for eternity for coming home to me.” 


	25. Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: ok so one of ur last requests- proposal dirkjake AU

Jake’s done just about everything he was supposed to, he thinks.

Booked a restaurant, gotten a nice suit, procured a wonderful ring…

But still, as prepared as he is, his stomach flutters as he actually sits across the table from Dirk, running his words through his head over and over. He’s about to ask Dirk to spend the rest of his life with him, and he can’t even look at him.

“Are you okay?” Dirk asks for what must be the hundredth time, and Jake nods furiously, not looking at him still. He just knows he’s going to mess this all up! But he has to do it–Dirk deserves a proper proposal, after all. Dirk deserves the  _world._

Without thinking, Jake falls to his knees and pulls Dirk’s hand in his, very quickly stammering the words, “Dirkwillyoumarryme” so quickly that it’s amazing he was still even speaking English. Dirk blinks at him.

“Oh, man. This is embarrassing,” Dirk mutters, and Jake’s heart falls.

Dirk doesn’t want to.

But instead of saying that, Dirk merely pulls out a small ring box from his own suit pocket, grinning at Jake. 

“I was gonna ask you the same thing. After dessert, though. ‘Cause you’re usually more cuddly and agreeable after cake.”

Jake laughs so much he cries and he pulls Dirk down into the floor, hugging and kissing the daylights out of him.

Later, they agree to tell everyone they both proposed at the same time, just to make sure it’s even. 


	26. Shortest Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dirk as Jake's favorite pair of lucky shorts. Because yes.

“Jakeyyyyyy, yoooo,” Roxy says, snapping her fingers in front of Jake’s face. He wakes with a start, jumping up and looking around wildly. She grins at him. “Sleeping through class won’t get your grades any better.”

“It also can’t make them worse!” Jake replies optimistically, standing and stretching. 

“I just want to point out that your ass looks  _incredible_  today. Even more so from where I am.” Jake groans as his lucky shorts, Dirk, starts his usual bout of perverted compliments. 

“Shush, you!” Jake hisses, moving to the hallway with Roxy beside him.

“Can’t do that, bro. Gotta wax poetic about how tightly I’m squeezin’ your plush rump,” Dirk says. “You know what your ass does to me.”

Jake tries to ignore him as they move to the lunch room. Jane comes to stand beside them too, and Jake tries to focus on their conversation, but Dirk is getting louder.

“Jake,” Jane says, “didn’t you wear those shorts just the other day?”

“Yes, they’re my favorites!” Jake exclaims. Then he blushes because he wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.

“Favorite huh?” Dirk asks smugly. “Thought I was  _lucky_  or some shit and that’s why you always wear me.”

Jake ignores him. The truth is he  _likes_  all the slew of profanity Dirk graces him with. He likes receiving Dirk’s praises. It’s a guilty pleasure on his part. Hell, he even leaves Dirk out of the hamper, in his floor until laundry day, just so he can talk to Dirk before bed. He whimpers as Dirk squeezes his ass even more snugly.

“You know I am  _never_  gonna let you live this down,” Dirk says. “I’m gonna have to up my antics now. ‘Cause I love you so damn much and now I know you love me too.”

Jake decides he doesn’t care. “Bring it on, blasted shorts,” Jake says lowly. “I can take it!”

“Careful, babe. I’ll be forced to give you a boner, and while I’m fashionable as fuck, I’m too short to really conceal that too well.”


	27. Together in Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: AU involving Dirk and Jake sharing one entity/soul. So only one of them can only exist in this world at a time (they can switch) and can't see or be with each other. So they communicate by leaving verses in songs they write. So they can be together through music?

Dirk wakes to the sound of music. It’s a song he doesn’t know, but he smiles because he knows who’s playing it for him. Upon further inspection, he finds his phone on the table, the song playing on loop in his music app. 

The song is called[ “Public Pervert”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9C1hV2kUVA) by Interpol, and he’s already in love with it. Just like he’s in love with Jake, the one who left his phone playing. 

He wants to  _be_  with Jake. Wants to hold him and sway with him to the music. Wants to tip him over and kiss him before he pulls him back to his feet. But he can’t, and he knows he can’t. Because Jake doesn’t exist. Not really. Not to anyone else.

Dirk was diagnosed with a personality disorder after the traumatic car crash that killed his parents. The psychiatrists all said he invented Jake just to make himself feel better, to comfort him. And at first, that  _is_  what it seemed like. Jake spoke to him in his dreams, made him feel better. But then Jake took on a life of his own, controlled Dirk’s body while Dirk slept, and Dirk loved so much to wake up to notes left for him and songs added to his playlists, all from Jake, who loves him just as much. 

Sure enough, he finds a note, the scrawl too illegible to be his own. 

“ _I hope you enjoy this little tune. It reminded me of you! I found all of your silly love notes in the top drawer because you *always* keep them there! You never learn! So here is my silly love note to YOU! Have a good day and try not to zone out thinking too much of me. You know I’m always here even if you can’t see or hear me. I await your response tonight! Always yours, Jake.”_

Dirk smiles and hugs the letter to himself, leaving the song on in the background. He doesn’t care if Jake is real to anyone else or not. Jake is  _his_ , and he loves him.

Softly, he sings along, imagining Jake’s voice with his. “Swoon baby starry nights…may our bodies remain.”


	28. Freedom to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Elf!Jake and human!dirk

Jake,” Dirk says quietly to the little elf cuddling his arm. “You don’t have to stay here like this.”

“Nonsense, sir!” Jake huffs. “Jake’s family has served your family for generations! Ever since your great great grandpa–”

“He was a piece of shit, along with everyone else in this family. You’re too–too sweet. And you deserve to have your own opinions.”

“Jake refuses to leave!” Jake squawks. “Jake loves his master Dirk! The Striders are the purest of the pure-blooded wizards and it would be disgraceful to Jake’s family for him to–!”

“Look in your potato sack,” Dirk says, indicating to the burlap draped over Jake’s tiny frame. Jake does, his huge green eyes never leaving Dirk’s face. Jake pulls out the sock and his eyes fill with tears. 

“Y-you…you gave Jake a sock…”

“I want you to be free.”

“Jake doesn’t WANT to be FREE!!!!” Jake screams, clinging harder to Dirk. “Please don’t make Jake go!”

Dirk’s resolve quavers, and he hugs the little house elf to him, murmuring, “I only want you to have a choice. Don’t stay with me because of my ridiculous pure-blood Slytherin heritage. Stay with me because I’m  _me_. Because you  _want_  to. From now on you’re not my servant. This is your house too. If you want it to be.” 

Jake nods furiously and throws the sock to the side, continuing to cling to Dirk, and Dirk smiles softly, knowing Jake’s made his choice. 


	29. Burned Dinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: JohnDave proposal?<3

John is fretting to the point where his entire body is sweating. Dave’s been so distant these past few months, and barely speaking to him for more than a few minutes at a time. They _live_  together, but John feels like Dave has been miles away. 

And now, Dave told him they needed to talk. John feels like he’s going to throw up, but still he unlocks the door to their house and prepares himself to hear Dave say he doesn’t want to be with him anymore. 

He doesn’t see Dave.

He sees candles lighting their living room, hears music playing, smells dinner cooking. He places his keys on the coffee table and moves to the kitchen where he finds Dave wearing an apron, attempting to cook. Dave turns and screeches.

“John! Jesus  _fuck_  Egbert, you scared the shit outta me!” 

“Sorry!” John says innocently. “I got off early and got your text and…here I am!” He moves to kiss Dave hello. 

“This is kinda  _not_  the time for you to be early though. Can’t you see I’m fuck deep in preparin’ stuff for you? So rude, babe, don’t know why I put up with you,” Dave snarks.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” John says, ignoring him. 

“I can’t. I almost set myself on fire already.” 

John nods to himself, because that makes sense, and then he looks shyly up at Dave. “So…what is all this?”

Dave sighs and pulls the apron off, shifting on his feet.

“It was–it was stupid ‘cause I don’t really know how to do this stuff. And I’m sorry, John, you deserve the best, but I’m not the best, and this isn’t gonna be how you pictured it, I’m sure but…” Dave bends down and grabs John’s hand, getting down on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

John squeals in a comically unmanly way and falls to his knees, pouncing on Dave and kissing him all over. 

“Of course I will! Is this why you were being so distant?! I thought–I thought you were breaking up with me!” 

“Dude, what? Why the fuck would I do that? You’re the best thing in my life.”

They order pizza and throw out Dave’s burned attempt at making pasta, and they dance to some of Dave’s mixes after Dave decides other music is for chumps. And John decides Dave was wrong, because this  _is_  how he always pictured it, and he wouldn’t change a thing. 


	30. A Room With a MOOSE! I Mean View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can I request a porn where Jake sucks dirks dick in a treehouse? or somewhere with a view/up high

“Jake…mmm…” Dirk sighs happily, having trouble holding his hips back. He buries his hands in Jake’s dark hair and shivers with pleasure. 

“You’re such a sap,” Jake comments as he pulls off of Dirk’s dick, looking up at him with bright eyes and a red mouth. “You had to have a view for this, didn’t you?”

Dirk looks out the little window of their childhood treehouse and grins back at Jake, pulling Jake back to his arousal, groaning when his boyfriend swallows him back down.

“Had to, baby…had to make this more perfect…” He whimpers quietly as Jake hums around him, Jake’s hands coming up to cup and squeeze his balls. “You–you know…nnn…know how to make me come apart..,thought it was f-fair to make this one of your–m-movie moments…”

Jake makes a soft noise and looks up at him mischievously, pulling off of Dirk again only to lick his tip and swirl his tongue around teasingly. He opens his mouth and takes Dirk in again, groaning as Dirk comes  _hard_  in his mouth. Jake swallows it and moves back up to kiss him, ignoring Dirk’s displeased huff because of where Jake’s mouth just was. 

“I repeat, you are a  _sap,”_ Jake smiles, hugging him. “And I am madly in love with you and all your sappiness.” 

“Then it was a good idea,” Dirk hums, pulling him in for more kisses, more than eager to return the favor. And judging by the tent in Jake’s shorts, it won’t be a long wait. 


	31. Biting Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Vampire Jake who impulsively bites Dirk whenever he feels like it. Please and thank you!

Dirk grins to himself as he feels Jake snuggle into him. They’re watching a movie and this is always the best way to subdue Jake’s “ADVENTURE” desires. He can have a moment to  _rest_ , and Jake is still entertained. It’s a win/win situation. 

Jake murmurs softly and nuzzles into his neck, already unconscious. Dirk huffs and shifts to get more comfortable as he becomes Jake’s pillow, and then he shiver when Jake bites him.  _Again_.

Jake is in the habit of just biting him whenever it tickles his fancy, and Dirk would be alright with it if Jake’s bite wasn’t such a fucking  _turn on_. He tries to shake Jake and wake him up, but it’s no good. Jake is  _gone_ , dreaming about who knows what, and Dirk is stuck with this boner until Jake decides to grace him with his conscious presence because Dirk can’t push him off.

“I hate you. I want you to know that,” Dirk hisses at him, and Jake licks him in response as if you say,  _no you don’t_. And Dirk can’t argue with that.


	32. Werefox AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: how about jake taking care of a wounded werefox!dirk? It'd be cute to see a red fox dave as well :D

“I  _told_  you not to go running around the woods! You may be under the impression that no one would hurt a cute fox, but I know a thing or two, alright?!” Jake huffs, carrying his wounded boyfriend in his arms. Dirk makes a soft squeaking noise and licks his face weakly, and Jake’s heart clenches. 

He runs faster through the woods, eager to get Dirk back home so he can tend to his wounds. Dirk ran into a hunter, and luckily, the bullet doesn’t seem to have hit any vital organs. Dirk is still wounded though, and still bleeding profusely, and Jake can’t  _run fast enough, dammit!_

Finally he makes it home and he places the fluffy orange fox on a towel, carefully removing the bullet with a pair of tweezers. He starts stitching Dirk up, his heart breaking from the tiny whimpers Dirk is making. He knows it hurts. But he also knows taking Dirk to a vet wouldn’t be a good idea, as Dirk is actually a human, and he’ll turn back to normal as soon as the sun starts to rise.

“Shhhh. I know, pet. I know it hurts,” Jake says, finishing up. “You’ll be just fine by tomorrow, I promise. Never going to let anything happen to you.”

He looks up as Dave walks in the room, the red fox hopping up to observe Jake’s handiwork. He makes a soft noise, and Dirk returns it. Dave then bites him and Dirk yelps, swatting at him meekly, and Jake has to shoo Dave away with a rolled-up newspaper. 

Dave merely moves over and continues to stay close to his injured brother, obviously miffed at Dirk’s stupidity that led to his getting hurt. Jake falls asleep with his arms crossed over the table, Dirk’s fuzzy tail pressed up against his cheek.

When he wakes up, his very human boyfriend is looking at him, smiling weakly.

“Dirk!” Jake says, getting up and holding Dirk’s hand. “Are you feeling better? Do you need to go to the hospital now? I couldn’t with your fox form, but–”

“You did just fine, baby,” Dirk says quietly. “Sorry to worry you. I didn’t pay attention and I got hurt because of my own stupid self, so don’t worry so much. This is just a tough lesson.”

“Still though,” Jake says, leaning over to kiss him gently. “Be more careful, please. I love you so much, Dirk, I don’t ever want you getting hurt like this again.”

“I promise I will,” Dirk says. “Don’t wanna worry you. I love you, too.”

Dave walks in the room, sipping from a huge  _jug_  of apple juice, and he frowns at them. 

“Now can I hit him some more?” Dave asks.

“Not until he’s well!” Jake squawks, covering Dirk with his own body.

“Bring it on, asshole,” Dirk hisses to his brother, and Jake is forced to hit both of them with the newspaper to get them to knock it off. 


	33. Changing Grades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: How about dirkjake student/teacher au student!dom!dirk and teacher!sub!jake?

“Tell me again why I didn’t get a 100 on that project?” Dirk growls in Jake’s ear, bending Jake over the desk.

“Y-you didn’t–didn’t source your research!” Jake stammers, whining loudly as Dirk slams back into him in angry defiance, mercilessly hitting his prostate. 

“So? It was  _easily_  the best in the class and you know it,” Dirk says, spreading Jake’s ass so he can get a good look at where they’re connected. He presses in harder, and Jake cries out, rocking against him.

“I can’t–give you special treatment! R-rules are rules and–AHHHH!!!!–people would get suspicious!” Jake falls into pleasured incoherence, reaching back to grab Dirk’s hip and pull him in further. “Dirk–Dirk  _yes_ , there,  _fuck!”_

Dirk grins and obliges, pounding into him until they’re both coming with the same high-pitched moans. Jake collapses onto his desk, breathing harshly and struggling to stand. Dirk gently helps him and pulls him into a loving kiss.

“That wasn’t too rough, was it?” he asks worriedly. Jake shakes his head.

“It was perfect… I’d let you know if it wasn’t. That’s the whole reason we invented the safety word, yes?” Jake inquires, and Dirk squeezes him.

“That’s exactly why, baby.”

“Good!” Jake snuggles into him and weakly adds, “I’m still not changing your grade.” 


	34. Hard Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I don't know if you're still doing requests, but can I get some JohnDave sleepover au where Dave has a wet dream. And grinds on john?

It had been a  _long night_ , and probably one of the best John had spent in a long time!

He and Dave had eaten almost the entire contents of the kitchen, had stayed up all night to complete the new videogame they’d both split the cost of, and had then promptly passed the fuck out before they could beat it. 

John feels as though he could sleep all day and then some, but something is pulling him out of sleep at an annoyingly concerning rate. He groans in annoyance and swats at the warm lump moving against him, and he blinks in confusion when the lump offers a pleased moan at him.

It takes him a moment. He’s in his bed, it’s really late, Dave is here… He blinks again. Is Dave the one causing all this fuss? He looks down at his waist and sees Dave’s arm looped around him, and his face is on _fire_  when he realizes what’s going on.

 Dave is  _hard_ behind him, his body pressed flushed against John’s. Dave is panting softly in his sleep, hugging John closer to him as he thrusts into the curve of John’s ass, and John is–

Huh.

John covers his mouth as a gasp threatens to worm its way from his throat. This is something he’s never even  _thought_  about. Dave is  _humping_  him in his sleep, and John  _likes_  it. He likes these sounds Dave is making,  _likes_  the hard bulge pressing between his cheeks. He doesn’t know how to handle this! Has _Dave_  ever thought about this?! Sure, John has thought how it would feel to  _kiss_  Dave before, but that was because they’d grown up together! Most people would wonder about that kind of thing! But  _this_ …

Dave  _moans_  behind him, and John offers a shaky one of his own. He’s painfully hard now, destroyed by the sounds his friend is making, and if he could  _just_  wiggle free a bit, he could work a hand between his legs and get some friction…

As soon as he moves, Dave snorts in surprise and startles himself awake, and John severely wishes he would suffer cardiac arrest and  _die_ , because Dave can  _hear_  his harsh breathing and erratic heartbeat, and he’s going to know John was awake the entire time and didn’t try to stop him.

“Egbert?” Dave asks quietly, his arm still looped around John. 

“I’m sorry, Dave! I– I don’t…” John manages, trying to keep his own voice down, but hysteria is working its way up his chest. He’s so turned on it  _hurts,_ and mainly it hurts because he feels like he’s hurting Dave in some way. Dave was  _asleep_. He didn’t mean to do this! 

“Shhhh, it’s okay,” Dave says gently, stroking soothing circles in John’s stomach. It tickles in a pleasant way, sending more sparks down to his neglected erection. John squirms uncomfortably, unable to help it, desperate for some sort of relief. Dave seems to sense his need, and is still very worked up himself. John hears him swallow audibly.

“John–can I…?” Dave asks from behind him, and John finds himself nodding before Dave even finishes his sentence. He’s  _hurting_. Dave is also  _hurting_. They can talk about how strange this is later but now they _need_  this! 

Dave swallows again and slowly places a hand between John’s legs, cupping him. John gasps and instantly thrusts up into his fingers, mindlessly seeking that wonderful friction. 

“ _Dave_ ,” John breathes, and this seems to boost Dave’s confidence enough to apply more pressure, stroking John through his sleep pants. John’s mind is already blown apart, destroyed by this need, but it explodes all over again when Dave’s hand sneaks into his pants, his fingers wrapping around John’s dick and pumping him all while Dave thrusts into his ass again. 

“Fuck, Johnnn…” Dave moans, his teeth clamping in John’s shoulder, and both of them can’t stay quiet anymore, are moving together, seeking release. 

John whines as he nears his edge, not wanting this to end! Especially not without being able to  _see_  Dave. He’s never done anything like this before, and he doesn’t know if Dave has, but he doesn’t want his first time so impersonal, Dave behind him where he can’t even be seen. He makes up his mind and pulls away from Dave, startling the Strider, who looks at him with wide eyes when John turns to face him.

“I want to see you…” John says softly, and this seems to flip a switch in Dave, has his eyes narrowing as he crawls over John. He still pauses though, before reaching between them.

“Can I?” he asks again, and John smiles at how Dave is still asking. He nods, and Dave shimmies their pants down, strokes them together in one hand, and John goes boneless under him, sinking into the bed and using his newly freed hands to pet Dave’s hair, stroke his face, pull him down into a kiss–

He can’t think too much about how he might have made a mistake by kissing Dave during this, because Dave comes willingly, kisses him hard, breathes and pants into his mouth as they both near that edge again and  _oh…_

 _“Dave!!!!”_  John whimpers, coming into Dave’s hand, his arousal still pressed against the slick hardness of Dave’s, and Dave curses, fast to join him. 

Dave flops onto him, panting into his neck, and John wraps his arms around Dave, trying not to be bothered of the mess between them that will certainly get crusty if they don’t clean it now. In the absence of his arousal, John goes back to worrying, wondering if he messed things up between him and Dave, because isn’t this taking things a little too far? Will he and Dave go back to being just bros? Is…that what he _wants?_  What Dave wants?

But then Dave pulls away and grins at him, leans down to kiss him tenderly, mutters, “c’mon bro, this shit ain’t gonna clean itself off,” and John decides consequences be damned, he’s going to play this out and see how it ends. 


	35. Safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: JohnDave or DirkJake breathplay & teasing??

Jake arches into Dirk’s sinful mouth, breathing out expletives as Dirk takes him all the way in, humming around his length. Jake wants to pet his hair and show him how much he loves him, but Dirk has tied him up again. It’s usually after Jake has done something to upset Dirk that he receives this treatment, and he doesn’t have to think too long to figure out what it was. 

“You’re…mmm…upset that I called John ‘pet’ the other day, aren’t you?” he asks, and Dirk looks up at him, pulling off of Jake entirely.

“You’re goddamn right,” he says in that low drawl, and Jake struggles against his bonds to no avail. “You only call ME that. It’s  _my_  name.”

“I-I’m sorry!” Jake cries! “It slipped! I didn’t–” 

He falls silent as Dirk lifts his legs and licks a stripe over his opening, glaring up at him the entire time.

“Yeah, that’s right, shut the fuck up,” Dirk says. “You already did it, so now you gotta pay.” 

“B-but…you know I can’t…can’t handle when…” Jake tries again, but he dissolves into helpless moans as Dirk licks inside of him, massaging his thighs and ass he does. Jake  _needs_  more. This angle isn’t enough, and he’s going mad not being able to touch Dirk! He whimpers pitifully, trying to thrash his legs in a tantrum, but Dirk is holding them still. He feels himself going mad! “Double pistols!!!” he cries to the ceiling, and Dirk lets his legs fall, looking up at him after the usage of their safety word. 

“You okay?” Dirk asks softly, crawling up to kiss him. 

“P-please…let me come…” Jake says pitifully, looking at him with wide eyes. “Hurts, Dirk…”

“Okay, yeah,” Dirk says gently, reaching down to stroke him. “You’ve been good, baby. You learned your lesson, right?”

“M-mm-hmm…” Jake nods dumbly, thrusting up into Dirk’s fingers. “C-can…can you…the throat thing, too?”

Dirk grins at him, “little masochist.” He uses his free hand to wrap around Jake’s throat, squeezing the sides, constricting his air flow as he pumps him, and Jake howls in pleasure as he loses his mind. He pants and moans and keens and–!!!

“DIIIIRK!” he howls, gasping for breath as he comes in Dirk’s hand. Dirk releases his throat, and he gulps in air greedily, accepting Dirk’s kisses.

“I never understand why that gets you goin’ so much,” Dirk hums. “But it drives you wild enough that you’ve made me like it, too.”

“That…that was wonderful, pet…” Jake sighs, and Dirk smiles at the name. “Would you…kindly untie me so I can return the favor?”

“Best idea you’ve had all night.” 


	36. Sinfully Un-Sinful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: How about some dirkjake smut with bottom!Dirk because jegus bottom!Dirk is life

It isn’t often that Jake tops. Not because Dirk doesn’t  _like_  it, but because Jake gets really nervous and flustered, obviously preferring to lay back and be taken care of. Jake is a bit of a pillow princess, and Dirk has quickly come to appreciate that about him, because Dirk has always enjoyed taking him slow and sweet, making Jake come apart for him. But on rare occasions, such as tonight, Jake gets that gleam in his eye, and Dirk knows  _he_  will be the one taken care of tonight. 

He leans back on the bed as Jake crawls over him, settling between his spread legs and thrusting against him, and Dirk growls low in his throat.

“What’s the occasion?” Dirk asks, and Jake grins at him deviously. 

“I want to show my  _appreciation_  to you that you did all the laundry today. It saves me from having to do it!” 

Dirk rolls his eyes because it  _would_  be that simple. Jake is the kind of guy that wouldn’t notice it if you changed all of his silverware to diamond encrusted scepters, but as soon as you wash his clothes or make him a special dessert, the dude acts like you’re the greatest thing in his life. 

“Yeah well. Like spolin’ you,” Dirk says, his eyelids heavy as Jake continues to push against him and lick at his neck. 

“I know you do. And I would like to spoil  _you_  tonight, if you’d let me.” Jake looks down at him, reaching for the lube on the bedside table, winking at Dirk as he pops the cap and spreads it over his fingers. “Pants off,” he commands, and Dirk is quick to oblige. 

It’s always a little odd, Jake giving orders, but Dirk would be lying if he said it didn’t get him off. Jake is an entire language of “whoopsie daisys” and “fiddle faddles” but sometimes he arranges his words just right to make Dirk into a pile of useless mush, like a professional Dirk Whisperer. 

Dirk is very glad Jake can’t read his mind, because “Dirk Whisperer” might just be the lamest thought anyone has ever had. 

He groans as Jake presses his fingers in slowly, one at a time, loosening him up while peppering him in sweet loving kisses. Another thing about the guy is he’s never rough. For all of his clumsiness and bumbling absurdity, Jake English is as gentle as they come with sex, at least when he’s on top. Jake prefers it rougher when they have their usual way, but with Dirk under him he lingers, sucks Dirk’s skin, whispers these sweet little words that have Dirk embarrassingly vulnerable under him. Jake knows Dirk doesn’t have as big of an ego as people think he does, and Jake knows Dirk spends a lot of his time talking down to himself. 

Jake English has set out to singlehandedly build him back up. 

“Ah!” Dirk gasps as Jake finally pushes inside of him, stretching him out and filling him. Jake kisses his jaw the entire time, muttering these cheesy things.

“So beautiful Dirk, look at you… You have the tightest squeeze around me pet; you’re so good…”

It’s awful, really, that this has brought tears to Dirk’s eyes, and he reminds himself that maybe  _this_  is why Jake doesn’t take him that often, because being this vulnerable and exposed is exhausting for him, even if it  _is_  incredible. 

Jake fucks him slow and lovingly, doting attention to his prostate, not teasing him at all as Jake’s lips dance across his skin, whisper words of praise and love, tell Dirk how much he loves him…

And Dirk is falling apart underneath him, panting, clawing, biting, doing all he can to make Jake shut  _up_  but Jake never does. And secretly, Dirk never wants him to. 

When he comes, Dirk lets out a tiny shout of surprise, because he was so focused on holding himself together he wasn’t expecting it, and Jake only thrusts into him a few more times before his body trembles and he finishes deep inside of Dirk. 

For a long while, they don’t do anything. Jake stays inside of him, on top of him, and Dirk hugs him and pets him listlessly, sniffling against him. If Jake notices the moisture on Dirk’s cheeks, he never comments. And Dirk loves him all the more for it. Finally, Dirk taps Jake’s shoulders in a way that means “get off, you’re heavy”, and Jake rolls off of him, grinning up at him from his pillow. 

“Jake–” Dirk’s heart clenches. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know,” Jake says softly, kissing him again. “You love me so much you’re making dessert for me tomorrow night.”

And Dirk smiles, because if Jake wants the whole damn bakery down the street, Dirk would procure it for him.

Really, he’s spoiled Jake rotten. 


	37. Meeting Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: DirkJake. After some months dating Jake, Dirk needs to leave and move to texas with his brother leaving Jake behind, they keep being long distance boyfriends and some years later when Jake finally save enough money to move and be with him, both of them discover they changed a lot (physically?) but now they love each other even more

Jake met Dirk in elementary school. Dirk was the kid who always pouted and glared at most people, including teachers, and Jake was the first one to ever try and befriend him. It took some coaxing, but eventually Dirk learned to open up around him, and they had some of the greatest adventures together, playing pirates and ninjas, running after each other and screaming their heads off during recess. Most people could hardly believe Dirk Strider had opened up so much, but Jake was thrilled by it, and he knew he and Dirk would have many more adventures to come!

Middle school was strange, because that’s when everyone started dating each other, and Jake never really felt comfortable thinking about it. He often asked Dirk if Dirk thought there was something wrong with him, because none of the girls had approached him yet, and Dirk would always assure him Jake looked fine, and not to worry about it. 

By high school, Jake had caught wise to the little ways Dirk would stare at him, the way Dirk would cuddle against him while they shared a bed. It didn’t take long at all for Dirk to finally kiss him, and when it happened Jake was so prepared for it he launched himself at Dirk and knocked them both into the ground.

They dated for a year until Dirk told him one day with an extremely sad face he had to move. Jake was petrified. It was the summer before 10th grade, and Jake didn’t know how he would go on without Dirk by his side! He’d  _always_  had him! But Dirk promised him they would stay in touch, and stay together. 

It was hard as hell, and they fought a lot. It’s hard to say what you mean over texts and Skype calls, but they made it work. Both of them graduated high school a few years later, and Jake worked his ass off after graduation to move to where Dirk was. He saved the money, and of course Dirk had been saving as well to help him, and  _finally_  the day arrived! Jake was going to be with him at last! 

He drove all the way to Texas in a straight shot, stopping only to refill gas and use the bathroom. He was too giddy even to eat! When he pulled into Dirk’s driveway, his boyfriend was standing there, waiting for him, and Jake almost forgot to put the car in park in his desire to tackle him. He flung the door open and ran to Dirk, jumping into his arms. Dirk spun him around and grinned at him, and Jake felt himself flushing. 

“Have you…always been so  _tall?”_ Jake asked disbelievingly.

“For a while now, yeah,” Dirk said. He kissed Jake then, and Jake melted into it with a soft moan, tugging Dirk down to his level as they deepened their kiss, ravishing each other right in the middle of broad daylight. 

“Fuuuuuck, you look so good…” Dirk said. “It’s easy to forget how sexy you are over a computer screen. Waited so long to hold you.”

“We’re never waiting again,” Jake agreed, cupping Dirk’s face. He still saw the boy he fell in love with in Dirk’s face, but there was something more to it now, something even more mouthwatering, and Jake found that somehow, he loved Dirk even more. 


	38. Camping Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:jakejohn camping and forbidden love uwu

Jake was surprised when John asked him to go camping this weekend. John isn’t much of an outdoorsy type, prefers to stay inside where there are games to play and computers to program (badly). But Jake wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth! His friends never want to camp with him, and John is one of his most favorite people!  

They walk up Jake’s favorite hillside, Jake leading the way as they chitchat and Jake talks John’s head off about the wildlife and the scenery and “this  _darling_  muffin I had for breakfast!” John stays mostly quiet, smiling at Jake and allowing him to ramble on and on, and Jake tugs him along until they reach the clearing beside the river. 

“Isn’t it wonderful?” Jake asks him, dropping their bags. “I told you it was breathtaking!” 

“It’s beautiful,” John agrees. “Now can we eat something?”

Jake tuts at him, and makes John help him put up the tent before they do anything else. Once their sleeping bags are nice and set up inside, Jake teaches John how to build a fire, and they eat their packed dinner and make smores, laughing and joking about past memories and experiences. John has always been Jake’s most favorite cousin, and they spent so much of their lives together that Jake has often thought of John more as a brother than anything else. A best friend. 

They stay out until the fire starts to die, Jake pointing out his favorite stars and constellations to John, who listens with rapt attention. John is the one who finally says they should go inside the tent before they freeze, and Jake thinks it’s a spiffy idea, since his fingers are frozen. 

Jake cuddles into his sleeping bag, ready to go right to sleep, but something catches his attention. John is trembling behind him, so much so that Jake can hear him breathing hard, and Jake makes a soft worried noise.

“John? Are you cold?” he asks.

“It’s n-nothing…” John says, and Jake knows he isn’t shivering. John is crying. Concerned beyond belief, Jake rolls over and pulls John to him, looking into his eyes.

“What is it? What could possibly be so bad?” he asks, trying to wipe John’s face.

“I t-thought…thought I could tell you…” John sobs. “I can’t. I  _can’t_ , it’s too weird. It’s too gross.”

Confused, Jake keeps hugging him, letting John cry on him. John is really worked up! And Jake doesn’t understand, but he would never let John cry all on his own! 

“I’m here,” Jake says softly. “You know you can tell me anything, John. It’s what I’m here  _for_.”

After an eternity of silence, Jake wonders if John fell asleep, but then John murmurs so quietly Jake can barely hear him.

“I love you.”

Jake laughs. “I love you, too! Now do you want to talk?”

John covers his face with his hands. 

“You don’t get it. I  _really_  love you. Like–a lot.”

Jake blinks. He frowns.

Oh. 

 _Oh_. 

He looks at John for a long time, seeing the shame on John’s face, the sadness. How long has John tormented himself with this? He can’t say he’s thought about it before but…John  _is_  always willing to talk to him and doesn’t get angry at Jake’s constant malarkey. John is probably the only person who understands him. 

With a determined huff, Jake leans in, watching John’s eyes widen.

“Jake?” he asks.

“Shush, I’m testing.” Jake kisses him then, a wild thrill running through him at John’s breathless gasp against his lips. He pulls away, frowns, and kisses John again. And again. And  _again_ , both of them clutching at each other and merging their sleeping bags into one as they move closer. 

Jake’s heart rams into his ears as John pulls at him, opening his mouth to him, and ohhhh, Jake will surely come undone like this! He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, but he knows there’s no going back now because he  _likes_  it.  _Likes_  John. He pants against John’s mouth, staring down at him. 

“Would you like to see a movie when we get back home?” Jake asks, and John pulls him into another kiss in answer. 


	39. Freezing Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: johndave fic where john comes home and he cant find dave but dave actually sitting in the closet and huddled in a pile of blankets listening to music and sleeping. he wakes up and john asks why hes under blankets in the closet and dave just reply with something like "Washington is hell frozen over."

The first thing John notices when he gets home is the silence. Their apartment is  _never_  silent. Dave is always either watching a loud ass movie, entertaining their loud ass friend, Karkat, or playing with his loud ass recording equipment. It’s never silent, not even when John needs it to be. 

The second thing he notices is that Dave is nowhere to be found. 

John frowns because Dave’s car is outside, and Dave would have told him if someone was coming to pick him up. They have plans to chill and watch movies tonight, since they’re both finally off work at the same time. But everything is quiet, and it’s starting to make John a little nervous. 

“Dave?” he calls, moving to the hallway.

“In here,” comes a pitifully muffled voice. John moves to their bedroom and still doesn’t see anything.

“In where?” he asks. 

“The closet.”

John grins. “I thought you already came out of the closet years ago. We are sort of gay together, Dave, I hate to tell you.”

“John, Jesus fuckin’ Christ, spare me the goddamn lip and come in here!” Dave snaps, and John follows his orders, grinning the entire time.

What he finds in the closet are a number of things: Dave, cocooned in a blanket, apple juice  _jugs_ , one empty, one halfway empty, Dave’s phone with headphones plugged in, Dave’s laptop, and finally, what looks to be the remains of a hot pocket. John raises his eyebrows.

“Are you moving into the closet?” he asks, toeing the Dave lump. 

“Washington is Hell frozen over and I’m tired of livin’ here,” Dave grumps. “It’s literally freezin’ outside and it’s gettin’ into the apartment, and this is the only safe place left. Old Man Winter is wagin’ a war on me, and he’s won. We have to surrender the apartment. It’s his now.”

John sighs and sits next to him, and Dave opens his blanket cocoon to pull John inside with him, cuddling around him shamelessly.

“The closet can’t really replace our bed though,” John muses. “Think of how  _warm_  we could make it. You know, with body heat.”

Dave takes a fraction of a second to catch on, and he grins at John. 

“Afterwards can you make that soup stuff I like?”

“Sure,” John says, and Dave willingly follows him out of the closet, still wrapped in the blanket, shuffling around with an expression on his face like a child who is bravely getting a shot or taking medicine. John sighs again.

“Soup first then?” he asks, and Dave nods, shuffling after him towards their kitchen, the blanket trailing behind him. 


	40. Baby Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: How about dirkjake in which jake helps dirk babysits baby dave and shenanigan happens?

“Jake,” Dirk’s voice says from the bedroom, and Jake fidgets on his feet, already knowing what this will be about.

“Yes, pet?” he asks softly, hoping that tacking on Dirk’s favorite mushy name will help his case.

“Why is Dave blue?”

Jake pads into the bedroom and finds his husband hovering over Dave, who is  _very_  much blue, and also very much finding this hilarious, as he’s rolling around and laughing, waving his baby hands and feet in the air.

“Erm…well…it’s a funny story, you know…” Jake says. “I was making Kool-Aid and spilled the powder all over Dave and it stained him and…” He keeps looking at the floor. “Now he seems to be blue.”

Dirk sighs. “Water doesn’t wash it off?”

“Water seemed to make it worse.”

Dave coos at them and reaches for Jake until Jake picks him up. Jake looks nervously at his husband.

“Are you angry with me, Dirk?” he asks, and Dirk shakes his head, a grin spreading over his face.

“Do you think if we ran to Jane’s and freaked the fuck out about Dave being locked in a freezer for two hours and showed her our blue son that she would pass out?”

Jake blinks at him before he smiles wickedly. “We  _do_  owe her one for pranking us at my birthday dinner this year.”

“What do you say, little man?” Dirk asks Dave. “You wanna freak out Auntie Jane?”

Dave babbles at them and then hugs Jake, smiling at Dirk like he’s the funniest thing in the world.

“See that? He’s all down,” Dirk says. “Let’s go scare us a Crocker.” 


	41. Foxy Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompts: jake having a fox that he rescued and just won't /leave/, and is v protective of jake. the fox often lets dirk know how it /feels/ about him.

Dirk  _glares_  at the stupid thing as it winds around Jake’s legs, yipping and squeaking and every other stupid fox noise it makes. The damned thing is head over heels for Jake, and Dirk can’t  _stand_  it. 

A month ago, Jake found the fox with its leg caught in a bear trap. They live far into the woods, Jake’s idea, as he likes the solitude, and all the time Jake is finding and nursing wildlife to health. But the damn fox won’t leave. Jake’s set it outside, has let it run into the woods, has hoped in vain that the fox would go back to its life, but the fox has taken a shine to Jake, and won’t leave. Jake thinks it’s precious, and refuses to hear of Dirk’s idea of giving the fox away.

Of course, Jake doesn’t realize the damned thing is a monster.

Dirk sees the way the fox looks at him, all beady-eyed and smug as it rubs against Jake. Sometimes Dirk will try and cuddle with Jake on the couch after dinner and the fox will decide then and there is the perfect time to camp out in Jake’s lap, demanding attention and yipping if Dirk so much as  _looks_  at Jake. Dirk knows the fox’s game and he’s going to put the stupid fluffy demon in its place one way or another. 

He marches up to Jake and grabs him by the waist, whirling him around and planting his mouth firmly over his boyfriend’s. Jake is obviously confused, but he melts into the kiss easily enough, his arms looping around Dirk’s neck as he moans.

“Want you, Jake,” Dirk purrs to him, lifting him into his arms.

“B-but…but I haven’t fed Mr. Beansprouts yet…” Jake breathes against Dirk’s lips, but he falls silent again as Dirk carries him to bed, tossing him on the mattress. Dirk considers feeling sorry for the fox for being named Mr. Beansprouts, but really it’s just hilarious. 

“You can feed him  _afterwards_.” Dirk grins at him. “If you can walk.”

Long into the night he has Jake, making sure to be as loud as possible about it. The fox yips and barks and whines, but Jake can’t hear him over his own moans of pleasure. When Jake is curled into his pillow, fast asleep from the exhaustion, Dirk strolls into the kitchen and feeds the fox, leering at the animal the entire time. 

“Here,  _Mr. Beansprouts,”_ Dirk grins smugly. He turns back for the bedroom, prepared to sleep the rest of the night away beside his sated boyfriend, but then Mr. Beansprouts has his foxy revenge by clamping his teeth into Dirk’s ankle hard enough to make him scream, waking Jake and half the forest up. 


	42. Mutual Stalking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: DirkJake, one of them is instagram famous, and happens to meet the other, who flips out and just becomes a blushing, obviously lusting mess.

You  _would_  see him while Roxy’s here, attached to your hip and flailing all over you. 

You’re Dirk Strider, and your best friend in the whole world has no idea she’s severely making you look like a complete tool right now. And not just to anyone. No. To  _him_. 

Not that he’s exactly paying attention to you. He’s with a curvy girl with short black hair and the two of them are drawing more people’s eyes than just your own. You have no idea who the girl is, but the guy is Jake English, and you stalk him obsessively on Instagram. 

He doesn’t exactly post professional photos, and as a matter of fact, he’s barely  _in_  them most of the time. He likes scenery, likes to take pictures of people’s feet. He’s the asshole that takes pictures of his food and you  _love_  it. The pictures he does take of himself are absolutely gorgeous, but they’re nothing compared to him in person. 

He’s laughing loudly at some joke the girl beside him apparently told, he’s looking around the room with wide, joyful eyes. He’s smiling at you.

Wait.

You look back at him, trying to work up the nerve to wave him over, when Roxy hugs you again, not understanding your need for personal space at the moment.

“I follow him too, ya know,” Roxy whispers. “He’s cute and all but he ain’t shit compared to the girl with him. Who even  _has_  an ass like that? Makes you just wanna–” She reaches her arms out and does a slapping motion. “You know?”

“No,” you say, and she pouts at you.

Next thing you know, Roxy is dragging you towards the attractive pair, and you’re tugging fiercely against her to no avail. 

“Hi,” Roxy says to the girl, who looks at Jake, and then giggles. “Has anyone ever told you how cute you are? ‘Cause I feel like someone should have by now.”

“I…wow! Thank you!” the girl smiles, blushing furiously, and she has no idea how much blushing and sweetness gets Roxy going. She’s doomed. 

“Let me buy you a drink?” Roxy asks, smiling  _that_  smile. She leads the girl towards the counter and looks mischievously back at you and Jake. “By the way, English!” she hollers, and you hate her. “My friend thinks you’re MEGA hot!” 

You sputter, trying to think of a way to toss your coffee and run without looking  _too_  pathetic, but Jake _laughs_. He looks up at you, green eyes sparkling. 

“Your friend seems very nice,” he says, and holy fuck his  _voice_.

“Uh. That’s one word for her,” you say, and Jake laughs again. 

“You’re Dirk, right?” he says, and you give him an alarmed look. 

“How did you–”

“You post those pictures of the robots! Did you build those?” he blushes. “I…sort of stalk your Instagram. I’ve just always been  _so_  interested in robots!”

You look at him. You blink. And then it’s your turn to laugh. 

“I think we need to start over,” you say, and he looks confused for a moment until you offer him your hand to shake. “My name is Dirk, you  _are_  mega hot, and I’d like to get to know you a lot better.”

Jake smiles at you, takes your hand, and doesn’t let it go.

“I believe I’d like that as well!” 


	43. Double Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: dirk/jake (who have been in a committed relationship for a long time) on a double date with jane/roxy (who just got together less than two months ago)?

Jane can’t remember ever spending time with Dirk and Jake like this. 

Of course they’ve hung out plenty of times altogether, but Dirk was always very careful not to be too friendly with Jake in front of her, as he knew she still held a candle for the doof, but the candle has been steadily going out for months now, and it was extinguished once and for all when Roxy leaned over one day during their lunch break, kissing Jane like it was nothing, and then smiling that silly smile at her, asking if they were done pretending to be straight yet. 

Roxy is surprisingly romantic when she wants to be, and Jane didn’t take long at all to be completely ensnared by her wiles. After two months together, Jane can’t remember why she ever held Jake in such high regards. They guy is adorable and sweet, but he never could have swept her off her feet the way Roxy has. She knows, as she always has, that Jake is meant for Dirk. Only now it doesn’t hurt to admit it to herself. 

When Roxy brought up the idea of a double date with Dirk and Jake, Jane was reluctant. It wasn’t because she was still jealous, but because she worried she  _might_ be if she was forced to spend an entire evening with them. But in the end she agreed, if anything to prove to herself and Roxy she was over Jake once for all.

It’s definitely weird to see the two of them sitting so closely together at the dinner table, Jake holding Dirk’s hand and smiling sweetly at him as they share a menu. Jane waits to feel some stale protest in her chest, but it never comes. She’s happy for them, happy for Dirk, and when she looks at Roxy, she’s happy for herself. 

She leans over and kisses Roxy’s cheek, leaning against her, and Roxy giggles, kissing her right back.

“What’s all this sweetness for, Janey?” Roxy asks, winking at her. “Are we trying to one up the homo dorks across from us?”

“No,” Jane says quietly as Dirk and Jake disappear behind their menu with some indiscreet kissing noises. “I did it because you look beautiful tonight and I’m feeling like I am incredibly lucky to say you’re here with  _me_.”

Roxy blushes and looks so  _happy_  that Jane kisses her again.

“Hey so we gonna order or are you two just gonna suck face for dinner?” Dirk asks after a few moments.

Jane blushes and looks at her menu again, hurriedly hiding behind it.

“Okay fine, I’ll get some stupid food,” Roxy says. “But when we go to the movie, neither one of y’all are prying me off Janey’s chest. They’re like pillows made for mama’s head. And also, you know. They have the luxury of being bam slammin’ booby-licious.” 

Jake laughs and accidentally spits out a bit of his tea, and Jane smiles as she watches Dirk meticulously wipe Jake’s face with a napkin, doting on him in a way Jane’s never seen him do.

“What are you thinking about?” Roxy asks her quietly, nudging her.

“How much things have changed,” Jane says, looking up when the waiter comes over for their orders. Things have changed for the better, and she’s never been more sure of it than now. 


	44. Demonstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: davejohn in which they're a couple with dave being a demon and john being a demon hunter, but they don't know about the other's true identity. then one day john finds out somehow that he's a demon and gets so angry he actually tries killing dave before realizing what he's doing and stops in shock, they decide to keep it a secret because they want to stay together, plus both knew if either any other demon or hunter finds out that one of them is in a relationship with the enemy, they're screwed

John never thought he’d have to keep his guard up around  _him._

Dave sauntered into his life on the hottest day of the summer so far, complaining about the heat in a way that had John laughing until he cried. They spent the rest of the summer together after that, and once the weather started to cool off, they found other ways to keep each other warm. 

The summer isn’t the best time for demon hunting, as most demons prefer to lurk about while the humans are inside during the cooler months. Some demons will still attack here and there, but John doesn’t get his first case until mid October, when he and Dave have become very serious about each other. 

it takes him a long time to accept the face staring back at him from the file is related to Dave.  _Dirk Strider,_ the high class demon. John had heard about him, but never by his full name. Dirk was the demon who took John’s favrorite cousin, Jake English, a few years ago. And Dave…Dave Strider is almost his double. He’s come to take John in the same way. 

John is so  _mad_ he doesn’t think about it. He gets his hammer engraved with all the spells and charms his grandmother placed and he goes on a warpath for Dave’s head. Dave  _tricked_ him. He was having a laugh this entire time, and John foolishly thought Dave was as captivated by him as John was by Dave. 

John charges at Dave when he finds him, almost managing to hit him with the hammer, but Dave dodges with speed too impressive to be human. John sobs slightly because it’s  _true,_ Dave isn’t a human, but Dave just looks solemn, like he’s known this would happen.

“You  _used_ me!” John cries, swinging again, and Dave catches his wrist, squeezing until John is forced to drop his weapon. 

“I didn’t,” Dave says in that low voice that gives John shivers. “I never used you.”

“You  _had_ to of! You knew about me, about my family! Your brother has my cousin! You  _knew!”_

“Not at first.” Dave kneels down beside John, lifting his shades, and John is captivated by the unusual color of Dave’s irises. He can’t believe it took him so long to realize they’re  _red_ , but they’re a red John’s never seen before. 

“At first you were just a human. And then I saw your photos on the bookshelf and I knew you were related to Jake. Hunters are usually all family. But I cared too much to leave you.”

“Liar!” John spits. “You  _liar!”_

 _“_ We can still be together…” Dave says gently, and John shakes his head so fast he gives himself a headache. 

“No we can’t! You’re a  _demon!_ And you’ll kill me the same way Dirk killed Jake! I want  _nothing_ to do with you! I  _hate_ you!”

“I’m sorry,” Dave says, but he doesn’t release John. If anything, he holds on tighter. “But I can’t let you leave me. You’re my destined, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone else have you but me.”

John fights Dave’s hold, trying to scream but unable to manage it. When Dave bites into him and steals his blood, John wants to curl into himself and hide in shame because he already knows what’s happening. Dave has already bonded to him in body, and now Dave is bonding to him by blood. Changing him. Taking away his humanity. 

John doesn’t remember closing his eyes, but when he opens them it’s to the last person he ever thought he’d see again.

“ _Jake…”_

Jake is hovering over him worriedly, his green eyes swirling with too many colors. Jake smiles at him and pulls him into a hug.

“You’re like them…” John breathes. “You’re a demon.”

“I am,” Jake says softly. “I’m going to  _kill_ Dave Strider.”

John blinks and looks up to see the famed Dirk Strider holding Dave up by his neck, glaring down at him.

“You  _claimed_ Jake’s cousin!” he spits. “You  _forced_ it on him!”

“You claimed Jake–” Dave starts.

“I asked him! He wanted it! We are  _not_  the scum of Derse, Dave! You can’t undo this!”

Jake growls lowly above John, his claws lengthening as he sizes Dave up, and John finds himself rising before he remembers doing it.

“Stop! Don’t touch him!” he runs to Dave’s side and yanks him away from Dirk. “I wanted it! I wanted him! I–I didn’t want to be apart from him! If that means being like him, so be it!”

Dirk’s eyes narrow. “You can’t go home again, kid. Not without being a target.”

“I don’t care,” John says firmly. 

Jake walks to Dirk’s side and gives him a look before smiling in that blinding way John remembers so vividly. 

“Well then, now that that’s settled, let’s show you your new home, John!” Jake marches forward and takes John’s hand, leading him into another room, and John pulls Dave along too, unwilling and unable to part from him.

“I read your mind,” Dave says almost inaudibly as he’s pulled. “I checked. You wanted it. You were too afraid of disappointing your human family to say so, but you wanted it.”

“I know what I want,” John hisses back at him. “I don’t want Dirk to hurt you, but you’re going to have to work very hard to make this up to me, Dave.”

Dave looks so upset John has no choice but to smile sweetly at him.

“Don’t worry, Dave. You have all eternity to apologize.”


	45. Love Fairy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I'd love to see what you can do with dirkjake in huniepop style with jake as kyu (the love fairy). I love your writings! ((note: I had no idea what this was, so I didn't do it))

Jake has  _always_ loved his job. He gets to help people fall in love, what could  _possibly_  be better than that? Jake is so gifted in his field that he earned his wings earlier than any of his friends, and he’s brought great honor to his family. His grandmother has never been prouder.

Jake never thought anything would happen to change his mind about his path in life until he ran into a snag by the name of Dirk Strider.

Dirk is his next assignment. Dirk’s file paints Dirk as a giant shut-in with very little conversational skills. Jake scoffs! All that means is that Dirk will meet his love by happenstance! If Jake can arrange for Dirk to run into someone at the store…

But Dirk moves with such precision and focus it’s hard to make Dirk do much of anything. Jake huffs and folds his arms, following Dirk around the aisles of the store while Dirk stocks up on what seems to be instant food.

Contrary to popular human beliefs, Jake isn’t a tiny winged creature. He’s as tall as a human, though definitely shorter than Dirk. He can manipulate his size by will, and he can keep himself invisible to Dirk for as long as he wants. Showing himself to a human is taboo among their kind, so Jake has to be careful. Normally he would never even stray this close to a human, but Dirk is making him mad! 

Jake trails after Dirk, following him through the streets, into a building, into an apartment. Jake flaps his wings in annoyance and throws his hands in the air while Dirk clicks away on a computer. 

It’s okay, he tells himself. He will make Dirk fall in love tomorrow.

But tomorrow comes and goes, and weeks pass, and Dirk still doesn’t meet anyone to steal his heart. Dirk is an enigma wrapped in baggy pants and styled hair, and Jake can’t even be angry with him for it anymore. It’s strange…but he finds himself content to sit around Dirk’s apartment and watch Dirk fiddle with computer screens and metal that his strong hands forge robot bodies from. 

Jake never meant to get clumsy.

He’s sitting on the arm of Dirk’s couch, watching Dirk build another robot when suddenly Dirk looks directly at him, confusion on his face.

“Who are you?” he asks, and Jake takes a moment to understand this isn’t coincidence. Dirk can  _see_ him, and Dirk is talking to him.

“I–erm. You…can see me?” Jake stammers lamely. 

“Obviously. Are those wings? Whoa, dude, are you like…a fairy or something?”

Jake frowns. Most stories he’s heard of humans seeing fairies end in confusion for both parties, as the fairy doesn’t understand why the human can’t comprehend what it is they’re seeing, but Dirk is, as always, different. Dirk doesn’t seem to have to convince himself that Jake is a magical creature. Dirk simply is taking Jake at face value, certain of what it is he’s seeing. 

“I am,” Jake finally says. 

“Cool,” Dirk nods, looking back at his machine. “Could you hand me that wrench beside you while you’re sitting there?”

Another few weeks pass, and Jake doesn’t hide himself from Dirk anymore. Dirk has warmed up to him fast, probably because Jake’s watched him for so long he can help Dirk with his robot projects, already knowing what to hand Dirk before Dirk asks for it. When the deadline for his assignment comes up, Jake finds himself crying while Dirk sleeps peacefully in his bed, because Jake knows he could never bear to have Dirk fall in love with another. Jake loves Dirk more than he loves his job. He can’t let Dirk go.

When Jake stands before his boss, a badger faced man named Slick, he already knows he’s in trouble. He’s broken so many rules, and he won’t use any of his magic to right them. He won’t make Dirk forget him. He won’t make Dirk love anyone. He’s going to be punished but he can’t bring himself to be sorry about it. 

“Jake English,” Slick says, “yous committed the greatest taboo among us. Ya let the human see ya and ya didn’t erase his memory. Ya know what this means?”

“You’ll be taking my wings…” Jake says sadly. It’s happened before among them. Other fairies who have messed up. Their wings are taken and they become the outcasts of their society.

“Sad to say we have to,” Slick nods. “Ya were the best, kid. Don’t see how this happened.”

“Will I have to leave my grandmother’s house?” Jake asks.

“Yup. Matter of fact, ya’s gotta leave this place altogether.”

“I…I don’t understand…” Jake stammers. “Other fairies, they get to stay! I didn’t mess up  _that_  royally! Someone else can make Dirk fall in love! I couldn’t do it, but someone else could!” 

“Jake,” Slick says, “ya don’t get it. The Strider kid is already in love. And it’s our duty to make sure he gets to be with his beloved.”

Jake’s heart sinks. Even while he was with Dirk, Dirk somehow managed to find someone to love. Perhaps it was a client who Dirk was building the robots for, or…

“I’ll be seeing ya, kid,” Slick interrupts his thoughts. “Have to pop in and make sure the guy’s treatin’ ya right.” 

In a flash of light, Jake finds himself outside Dirk’s apartment door. He tries to flap his wings, but they aren’t there. Jake can’t do any magic anymore. He’s a human, just like Dirk. 

He turns on his heel and sobs, wondering where he can possibly go, but Dirk opens the door and stares at him with wide eyes.

“Jake?” he asks, opening his arms. Jake runs into them without a moment’s hesitation. 

“I’ve b-been fired!” Jake cries. “And banished! I failed you, Dirk, I couldn’t make you love anyone. You m-must’ve found someone on your own but my damage has been done. They won’t even let me ba-back home!” 

“Jake…” Dirk breathes, holding him tighter. Dirk pulls back after what seems like an eternity and smiles at him. “Does that…mean I get to keep you?”

“Wha…?” Jake murmurs, and then he finds Dirk’s mouth planted firmly over his, Dirk’s strong arms around his waist. Jake melts into the kiss, feeling Dirk’s love for him surging between them.

“You gave up your wings for me,” Dirk says against Jake’s lips, his orange eyes half-lidded. “I knew I was messing things up for you, but I never believed you’d go so far for me…”

“You…you love  _me?”_  Jake asks, and Dirk smiles again.

“Is that okay?”

“Oh–you better believe it’s much better than okay!” Jake says, kissing him again. Dirk pulls him into the apartment where Jake gets to try some human food called ramen, and then Dirk even lets Jake pick out human movies to watch. Dirk cares for him and loves him for the rest of their lives, and Jake can’t even begin to think about what he gave up for this, since he got so much in return. 

He didn’t fail his last assignment. If anything, he won the jackpot. 


	46. Gardening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: dirkjake. jake gardening, and dirk "dropping by" aka checkin out the jake booty in those nice denim shorts for the 6th time this week.

“Coming by again, eh, Strider?” Jake asks cheerfully, bending over to attend to his beautiful begonias and hydrangeas. Jake definitely isn’t the gardening type, and the fact his garden is not only blooming but _flourishing_  is astonishing to everyone that knows him. Roxy has declared it the official 8th World Wonder.

“Had to see the flowers, bro,” Dirk says easily, but while the flowers are pretty, they’re nothing compared to the way Jake’s ass looks in those shorts. Jake’s shorts have steadily been getting shorter since high school, and now they barely register as shorts anymore. Dirk’s in heaven.

“They look wonderful, don’t they?” Jake asks dreamily, wiping sweat off his forehead. Dirk watches a bead of sweat drip down Jake’s neck, into his shirt, and Dirk has the strong urge to lick it off Jake’s chest.

“You do–I mean, it does, yeah. Fuck.”

Luckily, Jake doesn’t notice Dirk’s little slip up, and cheerfully goes back to his garden. Dirk kneels beside him curiously, watching Jake for a while. He considers telling Jake about how he feels, finally, but something has him freezing in his tracks. Jake is  _crying_. The tears are falling silently down his face.

“Jake?” Dirk asks, feeling helpless.

“Oh, I…I’m sorry,” Jake says softly, wiping his face again with his forearm. “I just…do you think Gramma would have liked them, too?”

And then it clicks. Jake never gardened until Jade died. His grandmother had the best flowers in their state, the kind that grew all over the yard. Jade never cared if kids came to pick them. If anything, she encouraged it, and Jake used to spend hours right by her side as she tended to the garden.

“Jake,” Dirk says again, pulling Jake into his arms. Jake smells like soil, sweat, and sunlight, and Dirk thinks it’s the best scent for him. “She loved everything you did. You know she’d love the garden, too.”

“I just. I miss her so much, Dirk.”

“I know you do.”

They don’t say anything else for a long while, Dirk gently swaying Jake in his arms, and Jake content to stay there. Finally Dirk pulls back to look at Jake, a grin on his face.

“I should probably tell you how great your ass looks in those shorts too. Totally rivals the garden for perfection.”

Jake shoves him with a joyful laugh, and the two of them get back to work.


	47. College

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: dirkjake. collegestuck.

Finals week is always stressful, but Jake swears Dirk is going to work himself to death if he doesn’t slow down. His roommate has been running ragged for weeks now, frantically rushing to get things done all while trying to find time to finish his robotics commissions to pay their rent on time. Jake has offered to help him study, as Jake’s job doesn’t demand much from him aside from being present, and he can get his extra work done at his job without any hassle, but the Strider is too stubborn to let anyone help.

Finally after finding Dirk staring blankly at his cereal bowl for a solid five minutes, Jake’s had enough. Dirk is going to hurt himself if he doesn’t get some rest. Dirk’s finals end tomorrow, his last test in the morning, and while he probably plans to stay up all night to study, Jake hasn’t seen Dirk sleep in days, and doesn’t think Dirk’s body can handle another all-nighter. 

Jake moves beside Dirk and pries his bowl away, moving to the kitchen to rinse it out before returning to Dirk’s side, eyeing him sternly. 

“Dirk, you need to sleep,” he says firmly, and Dirk snorts.

“Don’t have time,” Dirk says, and Jake puts his hands on his hips. 

“You have plenty of time!” he hisses. “You won’t even stay awake during your test at this rate!”

“Look, I’ll sleep tomorrow, alright? Once all this is over. Right now there’s no–”

Jake huffs and yanks Dirk off the couch, pulling him to his bedroom. Dirk squawks as Jake shoves him over, into the bed, and to make sure Dirk stays there, Jake crawls on top of him.

“Jake, what the fuck!” Dirk growls, trying to push him off, his face horribly flushed.

“See there? You’re stronger than me and you can’t even move me! You’ve worked yourself too hard!” Jake says. “It’s bedtime! And I shall stay right here to make sure you get your sleep!”

Jake reaches over to set Dirk’s alarm a good hour before his test is set to begin, and then he settles on top of Dirk, whose expression resembles a man who ate an entire lemon by accident. 

“I really don’t have time, Jake–”

“You do,” Jake says. “There’s nothing in those books you haven’t already read a billion times! You’re a ruddy genius, Dirk, you don’t even need to study like this! And I refuse to let you hurt yourself due to your stubbornness!” 

Dirk grunts and then inhales sharply when Jake tucks his face into Dirk’s neck, trying to get more comfortable. Jake can hear Dirk’s heartbeat nearing concerning levels, and he mistakes Dirk’s panic for fear of failing his tests. Jake reaches up to pet Dirk’s hair, doing all he can to calm him, and before he knows it, _he’s_ the one falling asleep.

He wakes up when it’s still dark out, and he knows it’s early. The clock on Dirk’s table says there’s still a good two hours before the alarm will go off. Jake smiles at Dirk underneath him, sleeping soundly, his arms wrapped tightly around Jake, refusing to let him go. 

“I love you,” Jake says to him, softly, glad Dirk can’t hear him. He nuzzles into Dirk’s neck and tries to think of what he can make for dinner to reward Dirk for finishing his finals, and he squeaks in surprise when Dirk squeezes him tightly, humming in his sleep. 


	48. Haunted House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:dirkjake. dirk and jake go to a haunted house and dirk jumps at everything while jake just laughs his ass off because he never expected dirk to be such a scaredy-cat

Jake giggles as Dirk grabs around his waist, lifting him in the air as if to shield himself from the fake ghouls and goblins that pop out of every corner. Part of the fun of haunted houses is having one friend who is afraid of everything, but none of them thought Dirk would be that friend. Even Jane is laughing delightedly, her hand tight in Roxy’s.

“Di-Stri, they’re robots! Y’know, like the ones you build!” Roxy laughs, nudging him, and Dirk gives her an angry look.

“I do  _not_  build shit like this!” Dirk huffs, holding Jake tighter. Jake is happily acting as Dirk’s protector, pretending to vanquish the machines as they jump out one by one. By the time they’re out of the house, Roxy and Jane are laughing so hard they’re crying, and Dirk looks like he’s just survived an ordeal. 

“I hate you guys. I’m never doing that again. Fuck all y’all,” Dirk grumbles, setting Jake on the ground, and Jake turns to stand on his toes, kissing Dirk sweetly. 

“That’s for being brave,” Jake says with a smile, and it takes all of them by surprise when Dirk grabs Jake’s hand and leads him back into the house, wanting to prove how brave he can be again. 


	49. Tattoos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:soulmate au. johndave

You think you’re the only one in the world with a tattoo hidden under your shirt. It’s directly above your heart, and you’ve never shown it to anyone. Almost everyone you know has theirs in a visible place, their arms, their neck, their hands. Yours is hidden away, secret for you and you alone, because you don’t think you’ll ever find your match.

You’re John Egbert, and you think your soulmate must have died before you could find them.

It’s hard to be around Rose sometimes, because Rose met Kanaya in elementary school, their wrist tattoos matching perfectly, and Jade is no better, as her tattoo matches Karkat’s, and they display them proudly on their ankles. You feel them looking at you with pity sometimes, and it hurts, but you do your best to hide it. 

You’re going to the beach with your friends and meeting one of Karkat’s friends there, some guy named Dave. You wear your shirt on the beach, refusing to get into the water as always while your friends splash around and have fun. You consider just doing it, finally taking your shirt off. You don’t know what you’re afraid of. Everyone has these tattoos. You suppose you’re just concerned that your friends will all look sadly at yours, thinking of the missing other half you’ll never find.

“Hey, bro,” an unknown voice says, and you look up to see the blond guy Karkat told you about. He sits beside you under the umbrella, stretching his long legs out.

“You’re not going in the water?” you ask. “They were waiting for you but then they said you were taking forever.”

Dave snorts. “It’s called fashionably late, and I’m not surprised they wouldn’t know the meaning.” He looks at you. “I don’t see another person in there all by their lonesome.”

You know exactly what he means by that. As soon as people find their soulmates, they do practically everything together. He means he doesn’t see another person in the water without a match. He means you’re alone.

But a thought crosses your mind.

“You’re by yourself, too,” you say, and he nods.

“Kinda hate comin’ to the beach,” he says. “It’s like a festival of half naked people all over each other. Shit’s depressin’.”

You crane your neck to try and see his tattoo, but you can’t. Maybe it’s on his back or something, under his shirt. You sigh and look ahead at the water.

“I know what you mean. I didn’t want to be left out and stay at home, but now that I’m here, I wish I would have.”

“Hey, who says we have to stay out of it?” Dave asks, and you look back at him. “Let’s just go in. I mean, who cares that we’re alone? We’re alone together. Kinda glad you’re here, I mean, I was worried I’d be alone with all the lovebirds, so. It’s good to meet you…?”

“Oh, John,” you say. “I’m John. I already know you’re Dave. You look just like Karkat said.”

“That’s ominous,” Dave says with a frown. “How’d he say I looked?”

“Like a lanky blond prick,” you smirk. 

“Hey Karkat!” Dave yells. “Don’t be talkin’ shit about me, man!” 

“Everything I said is true, you mealy tapeworm riddled dick!” Karkat shouts, and you’re laughing as Dave grumbles to himself. “Both of you need to get the fuck in the water already!” 

“He’s the worst person I know,” Dave says dramatically. He looks at you. “You ready? We might as well give it a try, right?”

You swallow nervously and nod, standing with Dave and pulling your shirt off. You avoid looking at him right away, but then your curiosity gets the better of you. You’re dying to know where his tattoo is. You’ve never met another person who didn’t have theirs completely visible.

When you turn, time seems to freeze. Dave is staring at you with his mouth hanging open, and it takes you only a moment to see why. Right above his heart, on his chest, is the little tattoo. The other half of yours. Your match.

Neither of you moves for a very long time. Both of you are frozen, staring at each other as though you’ve never seen another person before, but finally Dave moves, holding out his hand to you.

“We have a shit ton of stuff to discuss, John,” he says breathlessly, and you nod, taking his hand, letting him lead you to the water. 


	50. Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: prompt: jane and roxy get down and dirty

“Roxy!” Jane cries. She can’t believe this is happening! She  _warned_  Roxy this would happen!

“Okay, fuck–I’m sorry!” Roxy says. “I miscalculated!” 

They’re knee deep in a mud puddle. Roxy  _swore_  they would be able to cross without sinking in, but Jane’s new jeans are  _ruined!_ She glares at her girlfriend.

“You’re not getting any sex for a month!” Jane hisses, and Roxy looks devastated. 

“Janey…noooo…” she whines. “I can clean them!” 

“No! You’ve gotten me dirty for the last time!”

Roxy is so distraught she whines for a solid ten minutes, and Jane takes pity on her enough to drag her out of the mud. Both of them are filthy by the time they get home.


	51. The Sphinx and The Bouncy Adventurer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: DirkJake. What if Dirk is an egyptian sphinx who's job is to protect some huge temple as the last line of defense if all else fails, and Jake is a tomb raider hired to survive the traps and collect the gold, and they run into each other while Dirk is in a human form?

Dirk has seen many humans come through here, visions of glory and fame blocking common sense. Usually, Dirk doesn’t even have to do much, just watches the humans walk inside the tombs and get themselves flayed, drowned in quicksand, killed by venomous snakes. 

He prowls behind the newest challenger, a spunky and clumsy man with dark hair that seems to sway in all directions. The guy is the embodiment of bouncy, and he won’t last a moment in this tomb. Dirk doesn’t have to intervene, really, but he’s bored, and the guy is kind of funny. 

Dirk follows him, and somehow the human bounces right over the traps, right over the pits, right over the snakes. Dirk frowns and uses his magic to assume his human form, where he emerges from behind a pillar, following the man more closely. It takes the guy an amazing amount of time to realize he isn’t alone, and when he turns, he beams at Dirk.

“Oho! A travel partner!” he says, delighted, and Dirk can’t believe he’s even real. “What’s your name, friend? I am Jake English! I was just thinking it’d be jolly if I were to have a mate to travel with!” 

“I–I’m Dirk,” Dirk says, shaking Jake’s hand. He walks beside Jake for hours, listening to Jake’s tales of adventure, and he can’t help but wonder if Jake’s survival has been because his feet barely ever seem to touch the ground with his constant hopping and bouncing in excitement. 

When they reach the end of the tombs, Dirk gets a little nervous. Jake very well might be the first person to take the treasure he’s been entrusted to guard with his life, and he doesn’t want to  _hurt_  Jake, but he might not have a choice.

Jake, once again, throws him for a loop. 

“You’re the sphinx, aren’t you?” Jake asks him cheerfully. “You have a nonhuman quality about you.” Jake smiles at Dirk’s look of confusion. “You needn’t worry, Dirk, I’m not going to take the treasure. I was hired to, but I’ve decided just being here was more than worth it! Especially since I got to meet you!” 

And then, Jake English turns right on his heel and starts to bounce towards the exit. 

“Wait!” Dirk finds himself saying, hurrying to Jake’s side. “You’re leaving? You can stay a little longer. I mean, if you’re not a threat to the temple, you don’t have to leave.”

Jake smiles at him, his green eyes wide, and Dirk feels emotions he didn’t know he could.

“Splendid! Would you care to tell me more about this place while I have my lunch then?” Jake asks, digging into his bag for a tiny sack lunch. Dirk sits beside him, and he does just that. 


	52. Different Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can we see some asexual (sex repulsed) albino dave and john?

Dave leans on John as they watch one of John’s stupid fucking movies. John smells wonderful and is nice and warm against Dave’s side. It’s a sunny day outside, and Dave knows most couples are probably out enjoying the sunlight before the spring rainy weather comes back, but Dave is exactly the opposite. He prefers to go out when it’s overcast, because the sun hurt his skin, and he has to dress too warmly to cover up properly. 

John doesn’t complain at all. He snuggles closer to Dave and nuzzles into his neck, sighing happily.

“This is okay, right?” John asks, and Dave smiles, rolling his eyes.

“John I told you, cuddlin’ is A-Okay with me. You don’t have to ask every time.”

“I know, but I like to. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with me,” John says, kissing Dave’s chin before settling back against him.

Dave doesn’t answer, but he hopes the way his arms wrap around John snugly speaks for itself. 


	53. Roughly Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: DirkJake: Dirk is a very sadistic kinky dominant top but the sweetest and nicest person after sex that treats Jake like a princess

Jake sobs as Dirk finally takes pity on him, lifting his legs and pressing inside hard and fast, fucking him like he needs. Jake grabs at Dirk’s back, whining in relief as Dirk drives him over the edge,  _finally_  letting him come after the hour of teasing. Dirk continues to thrust inside of him, even after Jake orgasms.

Jake holds on tight, crying out from over-stimulation as Dirk seeks his own release. When Dirk tenses, coming inside of him, Jake pants against his shoulder, pawing at Dirk’s face with a tiny whine, completely destroyed by their intense sex.

“Shhhh,” Dirk says tenderly, kissing Jake’s cheeks and lips. Dirk cleans them both up before carrying Jake to the couch, putting on a movie and snuggling into him, petting Jake’s wild hair. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?”

Jake shakes his head before leaning up to kiss Dirk lovingly. “You were perfect.”

Dirk smiles. “So were you.” 

Dirk cares for him the rest of the night, makes him dinner, takes a bath with him. Jake falls asleep almost instantly that night, safe and warm in Dirk’s arms, hardly able to wait for the next time Dirk tortures him with pleasure. 


End file.
